A Light In The Dark
by XThatsAProblemX
Summary: After signing her life away and being put in her place by Rotti, Blind Mag has to suffer through the loss of Marni and Shiloh. All hope seems lost until she is presented with a new reason to live. Now a prequel to In The Dark by stiffkittens101.
1. Chapter 1

Bored and obsessing. Needed to get thoughts out before my Repo! imaginings take over my life. Random idea, dunno if it will really go anywhere, my guess is it will end up in the heaping pile of mistreated stories I've made up. But enjoy while it lasts? Or hate it, but don't complain, you're the one who chose it.

I don't own Repo! (The Genetic Opera, in case you were confused.) Not even a copy of the movie other than the one on my iPod that I can't stop watching.

17 years of threats, bribery and dealing with the constant nagging of her boss's spoiled brats. Mag hated every second of life under Rotti Largo and GeneCo. Advertising his disgusting services and products was degrading enough, but recently it made her feel like she was slicing people up herself and it made her sick to think of it. She had signed her contract without being able to read it and soon after being given the ability to do so, she wished she had declined.

For a few months after her surgery, things were easy, even good. She got to truly see the world for the first time and live out her childhood dreams of singing opera music for an adoring audience. After working endlessly for those long months, Mag had asked for a break, just a short one to visit her very sick and very pregnant best friend Marni. She had heard stories of Rotti's temper, but being a very profitable resource to him, she assumed he would grant her this small freedom. She was wrong

Rotti was enraged at the mention of Marni's life with Nathan when he had once planned to share his own life with her. She argued with him, claiming that she could leave if she wanted to. He laughed at her and slid a copy of her contract across the table.

"Read the highlighted part, it's my favorite," he chuckled darkly as she scanned over the passage he had mentioned.

"This is ludicrous! You can't keep me here forever like some animal!" Her usually pale complexion flushed red with rage. Rotti matched her with ease.

"That's where you're wrong. You signed the papers! I held up my part and gave you those mechanical marvels that rest so precariously inside your skull. How easily they could be plucked back from you!" Mag stared across at him with an expression of both horror and disgust. He leaned over the desk, his face only an inch from hers. "Hold up your end of the bargain or I'll pull my gifts straight out from that pretty little face myself and you will live out the rest of your numbered days in the dark. Though you are my property, you are not above a visit from the Repo Man." She would not allow him to intimidate her, she raised a hand and struck him hard in the face. He merely leaned back into his chair and gave her a menacing smile.

"I will have to keep you in line then, won't I? There is only one way to punish such disobedience. I'm sorry Mag, but you leave me with few options," Her look of triumph faded and was replaced with uneasy confusion. He clicked a button on his desk and a one of his henchwomen appeared on the screen behind him.

"Yes, Mr. Largo?" The woman's voice was cool and empty.

"Send in my son to teach Miss Mag a lesson."

"Which one, sir?"

"Whichever one you believe would be the best to ensure the lesson sticks," He kept his eyes fixed on Mag, filling with delight as he watched fear start to seep into her features. "And be quick please, we shouldn't keep our celebrity waiting."

Surely enough, Mag suffered for her defiance at the hands of Luigi Largo. Not only did he have a temper, but he had also lusted after her and made his interest known on several occasions. On orders from his father he had taken her rejections quietly until now, but tonight he had been told that he could do whatever was necessary to secure her cooperation with the company. He did exactly what he had wanted for ages and then some. But Mag wouldn't let herself be weak. She suffered beneath him in silence and without tears as he had his way with her and when he was finished with that, he hit her and slammed her into walls and tables. He satisfied not only his lust for her body, but also his lust for violence. Her blood dried in smears against his expensive furniture and his immaculately polished hardwood floor.

His housekeepers let her out of his extravagant city house after he had finally exhausted himself into a peaceful sleep. The thought of Luigi being at peace after that ordeal was beyond her comprehension and she was revolted by the very idea.

A few weeks later, she got the call from Nathan saying that her best friend and her future goddaughter were dead. Mag's heart broke in that instant. She shattered every time she had a moment alone. She had lost the hope she had clung to for anything to be okay again. The light in the dark had been extinguished and her own existence mocked her. She refused any food and seemed to be running solely on the thought that this was all that she had left. The eyes she had once regarded as a gift were now just chains binding her to GeneCo and forcing her to see her own empty and worsening reflection.

But then another light flickered in the distance, a bittersweet flame burning within her view. Mag herself had become pregnant. She knew that it was the child of a monster, but she couldn't help but to think that this was a sign sent to save her from herself. She began to care about her health again, if only to protect the life inside her. She ate full meals and kept herself on Rotti's good side. Telling him seemed like it could go badly, but he didn't react like he thought she would. This was the child of his son and he allowed her to keep it as long as she cooperated fully and performed for the company until she was noticeably large and then again after she gave birth. She agreed to his terms, she had no choice. Either way, whether she kept the child she carried or not, she would be forced to remain as Blind Mag, the voice of GeneCo. At least this way she had a reason to continue.

She would find herself alone in her dressing room, singing quietly and beautifully to her baby before each show. Luigi had been told, but he didn't care. He had moved on from Mag and onto several other younger and more willing girls and this suited her just fine. In her quiet home, she would sit and stare in wonder at her slowly expanding abdomen, marveling at the sense of purpose it gave her. Finally, she had someone she could teach about the world, something pure that she could help to grow into a destiny far greater than the one she had signed her life away for. Mag would make damn sure that this child never fell into the hands of Rotti or his monstrous corporate machine.

Wow. That turned out to be a bit longer than I intended for an opener, but I have conned myself into trying this out, so tell me what you think. Unless you have anything incredibly negative to say, in which case, hum a nice little tune instead. Anywho, thank you for indulging this and if you so will it, it may grow into something more, so stay tuned. –XTAPX


	2. Chapter 2

This story is now being set as a prequel for In The Dark by stiffkitten101. Believe me, as much as I'd like to say I had planned this since the beginning with the titles being so similar and all, it was actually just a well-placed accident. I've turned off the obnoxious automatic line function so my breaks should show up. If they don't then I'm stuck, so enjoy anyway?

A week or two after finding out about her small miracle, Mag allowed herself to get an exam from a doctor Rotti had hired. The doctor was experienced enough she guessed, but he seemed rather nervous and star struck in her presence. She knew this was partly because of her identity and partly because of the fact that he had been given a promise of death if anyone else were to hear a word of Blind Mag's… condition.

The young doctor looked her over and used several of his medical tools to check the baby's heart rate and approximate size. Within moments, there was a small holographic image floating above her stomach, showing a real 3 dimensional model of her baby. She stared up in silent awe.

"So from what I can tell, being a lot with all this new technology GeneCo can offer us," he shook his head with slight embarrassment, as if he had to remember that he didn't have to talk up GeneCo's services with an employee. "Your baby is perfectly healthy thus far and you're about five months along." She turned away from her floating ultrasound and gave the doctor a look of confusion.

"Five months? That can't be right. How accurate are these tests?" He opened his mouth slightly and seemed to consider his next words carefully.

"Well, these are accurate almost every single time, but I could check again if you'd like." Mag nodded quickly and waited as he went back over the results on his medical machines. "I'm sorry, but the tests all say that this baby is definitely at five months," he quickly added "But on the bright side, I could tell you a definite sex at this point." He glanced up at the hologram and then back down to Mag.

"Um, yes. I'd like to know… Please." He looked back up and pushed a few buttons, turning and twisting the image above them. He stopped and then smiled brightly.

"I'm sure you'll be pleased to know that you'll be having a little girl. Congratulations, Mag! So-" He looked down and realized that she obviously wasn't listening anymore. Her lips had curved into a soft, adoring smile as she filled her mind with thoughts of her daughter's future.

In her mind, Mag could see her little girl dressed with colors and ribbons and beaming up at her with the undying love of a child for her mother. She would be out in the back garden among the vibrant beds of flowers, but she would always be the most beautiful thing there. That girl would grow into a beautiful young woman and meet the man of her dreams, perhaps Mag would be able to see her get married one day. And the thought of marriage brought panic to her mind again. The father always gave away his daughter at weddings, but if the baby wasn't Luigi's (Not that she was complaining) then who was her child's father?

The doctor snapped her out of it before she could think back.

"I should be leaving now. Before I go, these lists are all the things you should avoid to ensure the health of your little bundle of joy," He handed her several pieces of paper listing foods and activities she would have to stay away from and she thanked him. "It was a pleasure meeting you and I'm sure your daughter will end up just as amazing as you are." He took all of his things and let himself out, leaving Mag alone to think about who could possibly be the father of this baby. It didn't take Mag long to realize that she hadn't been involved with anyone except Luigi, unless you counted… And that was the answer. It dawned on her suddenly and she found herself horrified.

The night she had spent with him was never supposed to happen. They were both worried, lonely and in pain. Marni was sick and things were getting worse by the day. Nathan had showed up at Mag's door in the middle of the night, he had no one else to speak to and nowhere to turn for comfort. They sat talking on her couch for hours before he finally broke down and started to cry. Not knowing what else to do, Mag pulled him into a tight embrace and held him there for a long time. When he had calmed down, he pulled away and looked into her eyes.

"I don't know what I would do without you, Mag." He brushed a stray hair from her face and she turned away, averting her gaze to the floor.

She knew what would come next and she knew she wouldn't be able to tell him no. She didn't want it to be like this. He was married to her best friend, but they were both hurting and she couldn't deny that it felt so nice to have him there with her. She hadn't been so much as held by a man in so long and the life of a celebrity made her feel so alone. But staying loyal to Marni's friendship was important to her. She shouldn't do this. His hand reached up and gently turned her face back towards his. One look into his eyes showed her his pleading and told her what she needed to hear. This would mean nothing; it was just something they both needed desperately. She stayed staring at him for a while before finally standing and leading him silently to her room…

Mag cursed herself for allowing such betrayal. She stood and looked out the window, the city in ruins lay sprawled out before her. In the distance she could see Nathan's house, empty without his family. She felt cruel and selfish, but she knew she could never tell him. He wouldn't want to know anyway. His life was a solitary and lonely place now and this could drive him to insanity. He would blame her. He would blame this whole mess and Marni's death on that night, like it was his rightful punishment for what they had done. Knowing his accidental child with Mag would have the best care while Shilo, the daughter of his one true love, had been lost? It would completely destroy him.

The Largos were another matter, but she would deal with that when she came to it. Silence was the key. Her baby would be safe as long as she kept quiet.

-It seems that our dear Mag has dug herself into a tight spot now hasn't she? The nest chapter will probably speed through time a bit quickly, but I don't see much sense in dragging anything out for too long with my inspiration at a constant low.


	3. Chapter 3

I wrote out most of this chapter and my computer tricked me into erasing it by mistake. My computer hates me, my breaks don't show up, and I can only manage to thoroughly plan out what will happen at the very end. Bear with me as I attempt to find a direction and also as I experiment with different ways to separate things. Also, as a side note, I have never had children nor do I plan to in the near future so please forgive my account of what I assume labor must be like. Thank you for your cooperation and please enjoy.

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After being told how far along she was, Mag's stomach seemed to grow quickly to make up time. Knowing that any evidence of weight gain would spark immediate controversy, Rotti released a statement to the public claiming that their star had fallen incredibly ill. Fans and other company personnel demanded to know what was wrong, but they were assured that Blind Mag would make a full recovery with GeneCo's best and brightest doctors watching over her. This much was true. Though Rotti was sure now that the child did not belong to his son, he knew without a doubt that Mag would sooner take her own life than live on if anything were to happen to her baby.

He made arrangements for a staff that would care for the child while Mag worked. There were strict orders that the two would never be within close proximity in public, and that any employee who so much as uttered "Blind Mag" and "baby" in the same sentence for any reason would be killed and dismembered on the spot where they stood. If all went according to Rotti's plan, no member of the public would ever even know of this child's existence.

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Without being forced to sing, Mag's freedom was still strictly limited. She was to be detained to her house for the duration of the pregnancy and then for as long as it took to get her back in shape afterwards. She didn't miss the publicity and found that she didn't once think fondly upon her return to the stage. The free time she had now was spent either planning a room for her daughter or telling her stories late at night when her squirming was too much to sleep through.

Through the monotonous blur of days, weeks and months, time was marked to pass by the growth of her baby. Mag's once slender frame had expanded to the point where she could no longer see her feet past her stomach. She was usually patient, but each passing day made it harder to for her to wait.

As the time came closer, she began to be overtaken by the gnawing fear that she might end up a bad mother. Being the voice of GeneCo was usually a full time job, how would she raise her little girl with that damned contract keeping her away from home? She told herself that it was her own hormones playing with her mind, that she would find a way to work something out.

"Hey there," she whispered to the darkness as she lay in bed one night. "You might not know it yet, but I love you more than anything in the world. I may not be the best mother and I just want you to know that I'll try as hard as I can to be here for you." She was amazed to feel a small rippling beneath the hand that rested against her abdomen. A small smile spread across her face. "So you'll still love me no matter what?" It was silly to think her baby was answering her, but she took another small movement as a sign of agreement. She fell asleep with a sense of reassurance that things would be okay.

Mag's peaceful sleep was interrupted a few hours later by pain like none she had ever felt. Struggling out of bed, she made her way to the wrist communicator on her dresser. After a few button-pushing errors, she finally managed to get through to her doctor and explain that she had gone into labor. The team was on their way and they'd be there within minutes. She groaned and realized that her water had broken. Not daring to move and risk a fall on the slick floor, she stayed against the dresser and waited.

It felt like an eternity before they finally arrived and helped her back into her bed. There were all sorts of people swarming around her now, Genterns, nurses, and doctors all firing questions at a mile a minute and hooking up their equipment. She closed her eyes and wished they would all just go away. Another contraction came and she cried out, digging her nails into the closest nurse.

"Mag, calm down. We're going to have this over with as quickly and painlessly as possible." She recognized this voice as the first doctor she'd met with and she tried to steady her breathing.

"Too… Too many people," she choked out. He nodded and shooed out more than half of the room's occupants.

"Better?" A quick nod served as his reply and he went over to checking monitors and giving orders to his remaining team. A nurse came toward her with a needle and she swatted him away. She still had the presence of mind not to trust any drugs that Rotti's minions tried to give her.

"Don't worry," the doctor assured her, "That's only to dull some of the pain. You'll still be able to feel a good deal of it and it shouldn't have any effect on your consciousness or your baby." She only protested as long as it took for another wave of pain to crash on her before allowing the drugs. They did help and she didn't feel herself slipping, so she decided she could trust her young doctor. The contractions came closer now and she had to be reminded again to breathe. Another nurse checked beneath her blankets and called over to the doctor. His expression turned to one of concentration as he informed her that she was crowning and it was finally time to push.

Mag clutched to her sheets and did as she was told. She felt as if she might pass out from a combination of pain and lack of air. This seemed to her to last for hours before at last there was a sharp cry from the end of the bed and she sighed with relief. The cord was cut and clamped and a blanket was quickly wrapped around the squirming newborn.

"Here she is Mag, a baby girl." As soon as the child was placed in her arms, everything around her seemed to fall into muffled and meaningless whispers. After the months of waiting and worrying, her little girl was here in the world. Maybe she could sense her mother, because the baby's cries turned from shrill and painful into mere half hearted coos and groans.

In that single second, Mag fell deeply in love. Through her hatred for Rotti, she knew she was forever in debt for this exact moment. Her first look at her child was something she never thought would be possible; this was more than she ever hoped for. Her daughter looked up at her with watery blue eyes from a tiny red face. Mag memorized every detail from the slight fluff of dark hair on her head to her small fingers clenched tightly into fists.

She smiled down at her daughter and began to cry freely and involuntarily out of pure joy. This was her light, her reason, her world, her everything and nothing, not even the power of Rotti Largo or GeneCo, would ever bring them apart.

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Not over yet folks! The next chapter will be shorter I believe and after that they'll skip through time and follow through the thoughts of both Mag and her daughter as she grows up. Review if you see fit and if you have any comments about the process of labor, again, I have never been in labor… So I apologize. And I apologize ahead of time if my updates are less consistent in the future or at least during the week. I'll have the next one done by Thursday night or Saturday/Sunday I hope. -XTAPX


	4. Chapter 4

I said this chapter would be short, but I never plan things that well. If it ends up dragging, then just remember that I am an improviser. And thanks to all who have been reviewing and such. It's good to know that I'm not writing fan fiction to myself. We'll pick up just about where we left off…

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The chaos in Mag's home faded away by the morning and she found that she couldn't sleep. Every time she came close to dozing off, her daughter's steady breathing would catch her attention and she would watch as her chest rose and fell. She was amazed by the beauty behind the simple act of breathing. It reminded her of the first time she got to see the world.

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Marni had come to bring her home from the hospital after the surgery and she couldn't contain her excitement. After nothing but black, even the varying shades of gray on the floor of the hospital seemed to astonish her.

"Has all this been here the whole time?" She would ask every few minutes. Marni laughed and picked up Mag's bag from next to the bed while she examined the roses on the bedside table.

"Of course it has! Maybe it's not at all like you imagined it-" Mag cut her off.

"I could hardly imagine any of this, though. Everything is so…" she trailed off after finding that there weren't words to describe what her newfound sight was like. She made a mental note that many people had probably felt the same loss of words while trying to explain any of it to her. She looked back over and smiled to her best friend. A thought struck her suddenly. "It's so nice to see you Marni!" She threw her arms around the other woman, startling her and pushing things from her arms. Marni's purse thudded to the ground and a compact mirror slid across the linoleum to the opposite wall.

"Wow, I didn't think it was possible for someone to be clumsier with eyes than without them," Marni chuckled. Mag blushed, but didn't take offense.

"Sorry, I'll get that." She went over and picked up the mirror off the ground. She stopped in her tracks and stared at it.

"Are you okay? Mag, what's wrong?" She shook her head slowly.

"It's just… they haven't given me a mirror here," she continued to gaze at her reflection, lost in her own shining metallic eyes. It felt foreign and confusing to know what she looked like after 19 years. "They didn't… change me at all, did they?"

"Nope. You're the same as you were three days ago. Well, not exactly, but I guess if you don't mean the eyes, then no. You've always been just as beautiful." Marni smiled and Mag was glad that she'd had such a brilliant friend all this time.

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Her thoughts about the night she spent with her best friend's husband were even more conflicted now that she saw the beauty it created. The doctor was standing in the doorway when she came out of her memory and quickly wiped the tears from her eyes. He approached quietly and smiled down at the baby.

"She is beautiful. Not a surprise though considering where she came from." She smiled and thanked him. "So how have you been doing then? Being a new mom is sometimes a lot to take in."

"It is, but I'm so glad she's here. And thank you for all your help throughout this whole thing. I probably would've been even more of a wreck if not for you."

"I'm flattered, though technically it is my job." There was a comfortable silence before he spoke again. "Do you have a name picked out for her yet?" Mag only hesitated for a moment.

"I like Jillian. She looks like a Jillian to me," she smiled to herself as she thought about how well it fit her. "Jillian Defoe. I'd like her to have a middle name too though. Something extra to make her sound like a sophisticated young lady."

"I suppose it does add a touch more to everything," he offered. Nothing came to her and before she could think, she blurted out a question.

"What's your name?" She immediately felt stupid. Whatever his name was, it wasn't likely to help her with her daughter.

"Anthony McKinnon, though I'm afraid that may not be the name you were looking for." He laughed, but she thought about it for a second.

"Anthony, Tony, hmmm…" She continued to think through the possibilities until she found one that felt right. "Antoinette. Jillian Antoinette Defoe." She tested it out, repeating it out loud. It might have seemed a bit long, but it had a definite ring in Mag's mind. She smiled. "Perfect. Thank you for that too then." He looked slightly shocked and he grinned shyly.

"No trouble, I suppose I should thank you though. It's certainly an honor just to be involved in all this. I'm sure you must hear this all the time, but you're amazing." She only laughed quietly and nodded.

"Then I guess we're even." He nodded in agreement.

"I've got to get back to the main hospital now. Women in labor and all," He stood and left after she thanked him yet again.

It was good to know that decent humans still lived in the world, especially now that Jillian was around too.

She didn't learn what became of him later. Upon his return to the hospital, Rotti's guards dragged him off. Nobody questioned where he had gone or why the guards even bothered with young, harmless Dr. McKinnon. Only the slightest tint of red on the smooth floor of the third floor supply closet even suggested that he and his kindness had existed at all…

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-Review if you wish, but don't be too harsh if you had any concerns. It's a bad habit to take everything to heart, but my stories are from somewhere around there… or maybe my spleen? I'm planning on taking a break (probably just for a few days if I can force myself away at all), but I'll have another chapter up by Sunday night at the latest. -XTAPX


	5. Chapter 5

When I said last Sunday I thought I'd go before then, but I've been in a weird sleep/living schedule recently so I apologize that it's taken me so long. Thank you for reading and please enjoy. (Again, I apologize in advance for setting up things with weird transitions and skipping large chunks of time.)

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Mag was livid. Rotti had once again tried to call her in to rehearse on Jillian's birthday. All she had requested after her daughter's birth was one uninterrupted day to spend with her every year. Why couldn't he see that this was hurting the both of them? She had missed Jillian's first steps and her first words. Nannies read her books at night and for a while, Jillian was terrified of her own mother. She asked who she was one day last year and it had broken Mag's heart.

Young Jillian snuck quietly into the room and sat at the kitchen table behind her mother. She was arguing on the phone with Mr. Largo again.

"It is May 7th Rotti, this is my day off…..You granted me that one freedom for her sake! You can't go back on it whenever it's convenient!" She always got a little scared when her mom got this angry. It was like there was a whole other side of her that Jillian didn't know. After six years of life it seemed strange to think that there must still be a lot that she didn't know. "Rotti this isn't fair to her!" She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Tomorrow. I'll rehearse for twice as long tomorrow if you'll just let me spend today with Jillian… Please."

There was a long tense pause before Mag set the phone down. She used the phone only when she didn't want Jillian to hear the other side of the conversation. After all, she could censor herself, but she couldn't say the same for her boss. Another pause.

"… Mama?" Jillian said quietly from behind her. She turned and smiled down at her little girl.

"What should we do today then?"

"You got him to say you aren't working?" Excitement burst through her.

"Yep and as a present, he says I can get it in writing that I'll get to spend all day with you on every one of your birthdays from now on." Jillian beamed up at her mother.

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"But it's been in writing for years!" Jillian was screaming and tears were streaming down her face. "That bastard signed a legal document!" She threw a spoon halfway across the room and it clattered to the floor. It was hardly past breakfast and Rotti Largo had already destroyed her 15th birthday.

"Calm down. Jillian, I know it's wrong of him, but really why are you getting so upset?" Mag sat down on the couch and kept her eyes focused on her daughter. Taking the hint, Jillian mirrored her actions and sighed.

"This is the only day that I'm ever positive I'll get to see you on. There's never any debate on whether or not you'll be home or if I'll be stuck eating dinner alone or playing pretend-friends with the children of Rotti's stupid minions," She curled up on the couch next to her mother and tried to stop the crying from altering her words. "I just miss you, mom." Mag's arm went over her shoulder and she tried to think of something to say to fix things.

"It shouldn't be long. It would probably be too late to go anywhere though. Even with security measures, there are crazies out at night that would spot me in a split second. The dinner is only for a few hours at most and then I can come home and we can watch a movie and maybe make a cake like we did when you were little." Her arm dropped down to the sofa as Jillian stood with a frustrated groan.

"You know that's a lie. There is no way that you'll be home before two am if Rotti has a say in it, and obviously he does or we wouldn't even be talking about this." She was pacing the living room, nearly wearing a hole in the worn part of the carpet where she performed this same ritual each night. "I hate having you away all the time. I've only ever asked him for this one day with you and he's so… so… Evil! He can't even handle letting you have a free moment without breathing down your neck for absolutely no reason! I will always be more important to you than that stupid contract with GeneCo and he hates it."

Mag put her head in her hands. Every word Jillian spoke was the truth and they both knew it. Rotti had used Jillian as a way to bargain for what he wanted, but he made absolutely sure to remind Mag that he owned her by contract. That damned contract. She hadn't found a way to throw any of it in his face yet. Unless…

"Wait, you were right a second ago. It's in writing that I have to do promotions for Rotti, but he also wrote out that you get to spend all of today with me. This could be risky, but if we play it right, I could keep up on both ends." A mischievous smile played across her lips. She watched the gears turn in Jillian's head as she connected the pieces. She looked up quickly and narrowed her eyes.

"We would have to take separate cars and I'd have to pose as a fan or something to keep things inconspicuous. Staying in the same room with you counts for being with you as far as I'm concerned… Would this get you in trouble?"

"Of course it would, but like I said it won't make a difference if we work everything out right. Besides that, I'd rather keep my agreement to you than to Rotti." Her mechanical eyes whirred in silent anticipation as Jillian pondered the pros and cons.

"I'll need something nice to wear and I'll have to prepare a nice act. Then again," She said, looking up with hope and wonder written across her face. "I do hope that I'll get to see Blind Mag there too. She has the most incredible voice and I nearly died when daddy said that he'd bring me to this dinner to meet her as an early birthday gift. I would just explode if she were to talk to me. And of course it will be such a treat to meet Rotti Largo. After all, the man is an absolute savior." She smirked a bit during the word 'savior' and they both laughed.

"You're getting good at that, I'm not sure if I should be proud or disgusted." She stood and hugged Jillian tightly.

"I've been learning from the best."

"Well I'm flattered!"

"I meant our housekeeper Cynthia." She let out a laugh at the face of false shock from her mother. "Kidding, of course."

"Well go figure out what to wear before I decide you'd be better off here with your dearest Cynthia. We'll work out the rest of the plan later." Jillian smiled and started off to her room with an extra bounce in her step.

This was going to be a night to remember.

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Things will happen in the next chapter, indeed. Here's hoping things didn't get a bit too weird at any point in here, but I have the feeling they did. Eh…Maybe. Review if you so choose. Remember to be kind please!


	6. Chapter 6

I have a few days without anything to do, so an update seems like a brilliant way to spend the time. It gets a bit creepy at the very end.

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Mag spent nearly all the rest of the day trying to figure out how in the world she could pull this off. Rotti would be absolutely furious when he saw Jillian tonight, and it wasn't as if Mag could stay with her all evening to protect her. Too many people would be watching her and if she took a sudden shine to a random teenage fan, then what sort of things would people say? What would they ask Rotti? Either they'd assume the truth or come up with the twisted idea that Blind Mag had developed a special interest in young girls. There was no respectable middle ground with people in this industry. Her reeling mind was interrupted by a small cough from by her bedroom door.

"Mom?" It was Jillian. She'd used the few hours since breakfast to find something decent to wear and she decided she might finally have chosen the perfect dress. "How's this?" Mag looked up and gasped. Her dress was a beautiful shade of dark blue. It wasn't too revealing, but it fit her well enough to show that she had most definitely inherited her mother's figure. It was strapless with a black ribbon tied into a bow around her middle and the fit flowed out at the waist, ending just below her knees. A pair of black heels added to her height, making her look almost like a full-grown woman. But the outfit wasn't the only part that made her look so stunning.

Jillian had gone to the trouble to pull her long brown hair up so that half of it stayed out of her way while the rest of it curled around her shoulders. Her hair was only slightly lighter than her mother's, mostly from spending all of her free time either reading or gardening out in the sun. Her eye shadow was a soft shimmering gold and she had even put on subtle pink lipstick. She looked up and Mag's heart twisted as Nathan's green eyes met her own. She stayed silent.

"You don't like it, do you?" She asked quietly. "Really if you'd rather I didn't go, then-"

"No, it's not that, it's just… You look so grown up. It makes me realize how much I must have missed out on when I've been away. Plus you have your father's eyes. It's hard to see you and not think of him." Curiosity moved Jillian closer.

"You don't ever talk about him, you know… Who was he?" Mag closed her eyes and sighed.

"I shouldn't have said anything."

"Yes, you should have. I'm not saying I want his address or anything, I just want to know something about him. I'm a big girl now, I think I can handle the truth." She waited. "Please?" The truth. That wasn't something Mag would ever admit to. She thought about it for a moment before deciding that half-truths were better than the full story.

"He was a good man. He did love me, but we weren't ever in love in the way you might think. He had to leave on an important job before I could tell him that I was pregnant with you." She saw that Jillian seemed to believe her. "If he had known you, I'm sure he would've loved you just as much as I do." She smiled softly. "And for the record, I love you more than anything in this world." It was Jillian's turn to smile.

"I love you too mom." She ran her fingers through her mother's hair. "So, with the traditional revealing-of-family-information-and-declarations-of-love out of the way, what's the plan for tonight?"

"I was wondering how long it would take you to ask. You've never been particularly patient." She smirked as Jillian stopped playing with her hair and rolled her eyes. "Well, here's what's going to happen…"

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Jillian sat alone in the car that would take her to the dinner. She was twisting the hem of her dress nervously. She'd never been to any real public event, unless you counted the occasional grocery-shopping trips with Cynthia as public events. Her mother had left the house twenty minutes earlier to keep an inconspicuous distance between them until they both arrived. If anyone asked for her name, she was Laura Mason. Simple and forgettable. After Jillian got there, she would track down and meet Blind Mag, posing as a huge fan. They would talk every so often throughout the party and Jillian would leave around Midnight.

There was still so much that could go wrong and Jillian was tense with anxiety. The driver pulled up outside of a large stone building with a crowd of people standing behind red velvet ropes. Her mother had never said anything about there being media vultures outside. The door to the car was pulled open and she took a deep breath before putting on her best privileged-rich-girl face and slipping out into the chaos.

She managed to walk quickly enough to avoid any questions or cameras and make it inside with only one person catcalling at her. The atmosphere inside was much more toned down, but she could still hear the dull roar of dozens of conversations happening at once within the enormous ballroom. While she searched for her mother, she was unaware of someone watching her carefully from across the crowd.

Pavi Largo recognized her immediately. He had been obsessed with Mag for over fifteen years and he had looked closely at every company gathering in case he might find her secret daughter. Mag was off limits, but this girl was a fresh chance. He was delighted to see such a resemblance between the two of them. It would be so much easier to imagine that she was her mother when he could already almost believe it. She looked so young and vulnerable. If possible, his smile widened even further as she gazed nervously around the room. She didn't know anyone else here.

Before the night was over, he would make sure she knew him.

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Yes, Pavi is terrifying. I really get uncomfortable just thinking about what might go on in his demented little brain. I must warn that it will only get worse near the end of the next chapter. Not brutal or graphic per say, but creepy and scary anyway. Review with concerns, comments or questions, but try not to be a jerk PLEASE. I know that the people who reviewed have been amazing thus far, but it always pays to be sure. Thanks! -XTAPX


	7. Chapter 7

Planned on updating the other day, but this chapter ran longer than I had anticipated. Usually I can get everything done pretty quickly… This one got a bit complicated though… And warped.

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Jillian spotted her mother across the room giving an obviously fake smile while talking to an old, balding man. She assumed the woman next to him must be his wife, but with a feathered dress and beaklike nose, she seemed to resemble a bird. It was hard not to laugh as she made her way towards the three of them.

"Oh. My. God," She exclaimed after she got close enough. "You're Blind Mag!" The old man and his wife seemed irritated to be interrupted, but Mag's smile widened in an instant.

"Yes, I am. Who might you be?" Jillian extended her hand with enthusiasm and Mag shook it..

"Laura Mason. I can't believe I'm actually meeting you! I am such a huge fan. My dad said you would be here, but I was just like 'No, and if she is why would she bother with me?' so he was like 'Dude she'll totally be there' except he didn't say that exactly, ya know? And he was right! This is so awesome!" Mag had to fight hard not to burst out laughing. She chuckled quietly instead and apologized to the old couple as they stared on in confusion.

"Fans, they just swarm me everywhere," The woman nodded politely and pulled her husband away towards a table. Delicate phrasing would be the key to keeping a low profile conversation now. "So, how are you enjoying things here? I assume this must be your first GeneCo event?"

"Oh yes. I've never seen so many people looking so… Perfect. It's almost a bit frightening." She put special emphasis on 'perfect'. Everyone here had noticeable surgery of some kind. Disgusting may have been a better word for it.

"Well, GeneCo specializes in making beautiful people. Of course you look like you'll never be needing anything from them." Code for 'Don't even think about it'.

"Don't worry, I've heard way too many different stories to get caught up in any of this." She looked over her mother's shoulder and caught Rotti's eye. He started towards them. "I'd better go find something to eat, it was such a wonderful honor to meet you." Slipping quickly back into the crowd, she hoped that Rotti wouldn't try to follow her. Rather than doing so, he put a hand on Mag's shoulder. She was met with a menacing smile that made her shudder inside.

"Hello, Rotti." She kept her composure and tried to smile back.

"It's good to see you socializing with your fans. Who was that girl?" His tone suggested that he knew exactly who she was. "A bit young to be at an event like this, wouldn't you think?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Maybe she is, but what age would you consider too young? I'm sure she's older than you think." She lowered her voice. "At least older than yesterday." She hissed. He narrowed his eyes at her and reduced his voice to a growl that only she could hear.

"That's hardly an excuse, Mag. If anyone sees her, you're fully responsible for the damage it causes." His hand left her shoulder.

"Don't worry, she knows what she's doing." He turned and walked away, leaving Mag to pray that Jillian really did know what she was doing.

There was a buffet of delicious smelling food across the room and Jillian was helping herself to everything she could see. She hated this whole stupid company, but she couldn't deny that they knew how to throw a party. There was an empty table nearby and she sat down to enjoy her meal, having to concentrate hard on eating like a proper young lady. Her focus was so thorough that she didn't notice Rotti sitting next to her until he cleared his throat loudly. She looked up and swallowed a large mouthful of pasta.

"Hello, Mr. Largo." They had only met once before when she was eleven. He had come by the house to talk Mag into going away for a month on tour. In the end, she settled on three weeks and Jillian developed an even more intense dislike for her mother's boss. "What brings you all the way over here? Shouldn't you be mingling with your other guests?" He was irritated by her innocent tone.

"I've decided that you are my most pressing matter at the moment," he leaned in a bit closer. "Shouldn't you be at home, young lady?"

"Well perhaps I should, but I wasn't going to pass up an opportunity to see Blind Mag." Her face showed no emotion. "I hear she's here under a very tight contract. I'd like to think I have similar obligations. Isn't it always important to abide by such agreements?"

"Some might say so, but I think it's also important to know one's place in those situations, lest you overstep your boundaries." She smirked. He practically owned her and she was daring to cross him. His mouth opened to speak again and Jillian cut him off.

"It's been wonderful talking to you sir, but I'm afraid I must go find the ladies' room. Have a good evening." She took her plate and left, handing it to a server as she made her way out of the room.

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Pavi thought carefully about a plan to get her to himself. There were a few other rooms in the building, but if she were anything like Mag, she would put up a fight. He scanned the room and saw nothing that could be of use to him. There were showpieces on several of the tables, including a few empty Zydrate guns. These couldn't help him unless he actually had a vial of Zydrate… Which he didn't. That sort of thing was his sister's deal. Suddenly, the thought struck him that she might actually have some. He looked up to the long table in the front of the room. She was there.

Amber's eyes were glazed over and her head was propped up with one hand. Pavi could tell that she was lost in her own mind, drowning in a glowing blue sea. He came closer and waved a hand in front of her face. No response.

A purse was hanging off the back of her chair and he grabbed it with ease. To his delight, it didn't take much digging to find a full vial of Z. He pocketed the vial and left her bag on the floor. He quickly grabbed a Zydrate gun from the nearest table, looking up just in time to see his target heading into the hallway.

Quickly and quietly, he followed her. She was standing with her back to him, trying to decide which door was the one she was looking for.

"If I were a bathroom, where would I be?" She muttered to herself. "I'd probably be in this hallway, clearly marked with a sign or something… Stupid bathroom doesn't even have a sign." She turned and jumped at the sight of Pavi Largo standing behind her. She'd seen him on TV, but he was absolutely terrifying in person. Her mouth opened and then closed again. His unnatural grin seemed to grow wider beneath his mask and Jillian took a nervous step back.

"Looking for something?" His voice raised the hairs on her arms. She shook her head slowly.

"I-I was just trying to find the Bathroom." She swallowed. "I don't have to use it that bad, so I think I'll just go back and find my dad. I'm sure he'll be-" Pavi chuckled.

"You don't have to lie to me," He stepped closer. "Pavi knows exactly who you are… You look just like your mother… So beautiful." Fear held her in place. Her hands shook and she could feel her heart pounding in her chest. He took another step closer, but Jillian couldn't force her feet to cooperate. His hand reached up to brush her cheek.

"I really should-" He dropped his hand and pointed to a door a little farther down the hallway.

"That one is the bathroom." She glanced towards it, waiting for him to turn around or step away. He didn't. The doors were all identical, so he might be telling the truth. At least it might get her away from him. She turned the knob and opened it. It wasn't the bathroom, but instead a small, dimly lit study. A forceful shove came from behind her and she fell through the doorway and onto the carpet. The door slammed shut and she heard a click.

She scrambled to her feet. Pavi was there, watching her every move like someone might study a wild animal in a hunt. That was exactly what this was. Pavi had been hunting her and now she was trapped in this room. She screamed as loud as she could in the hopes that someone outside would hear. He laughed.

"The walls are solid stone and this door is much heavier than you might think." A sense of dread came over her. She never should have come here tonight.

"Why are you doing this? Why me?" Reason wasn't the best option, but it would hold him off while she thought of something else.

"You weren't my first choice, believe me." He tilted his head. "Though I must say you look better by the second." He looked like he was ready to spring at her any second now. She would have to fight him.

'Anything that isn't bolted down is fair game.' As soon as she finished that thought, Pavi made his move. He bolted toward her in one long stride and she had to act fast to dodge him. She ducked under his arm and grabbed a book from the shelf on the opposite wall. He tried again and she used all her force to slam it against his face. Stumbling and cursing, he knew it was time to go in for the kill.

Jillian was going for the door. He ran and caught her by the hair, pulling her back hard. She gasped in pain.

"No need to be afraid, Bella. Pavi will only hurt you if he has to." He was hovering over her now. She kicked and thrashed against him. He reached into his pocket and grabbed his secret weapon. "It's a shame you had to fight." The vial slid into the gun and, for once, he frowned. "I would have preferred you to be conscious." Confusion halted her movement just long enough for him to press the gun against her neck and pull the trigger.

Jillian felt herself starting to slip immediately. The strength drained from her limbs and her thoughts melted together, blending into nothingness. She couldn't feel anything, even though she knew somewhere that Pavi's hands were already roaming her body. His sick laughter was the last thing she heard before blackness claimed her completely.

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Well… I was freaked out even writing that. -XTAPX


	8. Chapter 8

That last chapter got pretty creepy… Sorry about that. Pavi is just a really freaky character. And if it seems like my updates are coordinated with In the Dark, they're not really supposed to be. I have been trying to write this for days and I always feel really guilty when I see another chapter with all of stiffkittens101's great work. So I feel compelled to finish and update to make up for it. Hopefully the next update will be sooner.

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By the time Jillian could think and feel again, she realized she was at home in the bathroom. Details from the night crept back from out of the Zydrate-induced fog. She remembered being attacked by Pavi, getting injected, and then blacking out. After she woke up, she had the faintest idea that she may have found a window in another room and climbed out to avoid the paparazzi. Had she really walked all the way home? She figured that she must have by the cuts and scrapes on her feet.

The floor where she sat was cold. The air was cold too. It would only make her numbness last longer. Heat. She needed heat. Her body felt heavier than lead as she pulled herself to stand against the sink. A dull ache started throughout her muscles, protesting any movement. She caught her reflection in the mirror and cringed. Bruises had started to form in various places, her hair was tangled and her eyes were red. She batted at the light switch until the room went dark. She didn't want to see any more of the damage Pavi had left.

Was her mother home yet? Probably not. If she was home, she would be hovering over Jillian out of motherly concern. The thought made her feel empty somewhere inside and tears began to spill without warning. The rational side of her tried to calm down and remember that none of it had been her fault, but the rest of her was stricken with guilt. She took a deep, shaky breath and let the darkness ease her frantic mind.

She made her way around the room slowly, taking care to stay along the walls. When she'd found the shower and turned the water as hot as she could, she finally peeled out of her blue dress and tossed it to the floor. She stepped under the water and sighed as it washed away the lingering ghost of Pavi's touch. It took a long time for the heat to fully affect her, but she found that she welcomed the burning over the numbness she'd felt before. Time slowed and she dropped out of reality.

Jillian often got lost within her head, so she was hardly surprised when a knock on the door pulled her back. The water had turned ice cold and she was almost afraid to know how long she'd been standing there.

"Jillian?" Her mother's voice came from outside. "Are you alright in there?" She sounded concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute." There was something in the way she said it that made Mag think otherwise. Her hand hovered over the door knob for a minute before she changed her mind.

"Alright. I'm going to go to bed, it's been a long night," Then she remembered. "Happy birthday, Jillian… I love you." And she walked off to her room.

Jillian felt a flare of anger towards her mother, immediately followed by shame. She didn't know what had happened in that room. This wasn't a consequence that she could have predicted.

She shut off the icy shower and felt around the linen closet for a towel. Tears were welling up in her eyes and she just wanted to go to bed and forget about the entire night. With the towel wrapped tightly around her, she opened the door and snuck down the hall to her room in silence. She found pajamas easily enough, still not daring to turn on the lights. Jillian had often resorted to darkness as a method of coping with her anger or sadness, training herself to navigate the entire house without a single light. The feeling of solitude that came with the dark was strangely comforting. She held out her hands and walked until she could feel the soft blanket on top of her bed. She pulled the covers down and fell asleep as soon as she collapsed into them.

Her peace didn't last as long as she would have liked. Daylight brought a rude awakening, but she didn't get out of bed yet. The pain she'd started to feel yesterday was worse than she thought. She stayed where she was until muffled opera music caught her attention from somewhere in the house. This always meant that her mother was home. If Jillian remained in her bed for much longer, it would be obvious that something was wrong. She would have to get up and find painkillers before she could face anyone.

With some difficulty, she sat up and struggled towards the edge of the bed. By the time she got there, the pain was unbearable and she was nearly gasping for breath. Pavi had not been gentle in the slightest.

"Stop it." She muttered aloud. Thinking about him wouldn't help her keep her composure and she didn't want to tip off her mother's keen instincts. Taking a deep breath, she pulled herself quickly to standing and went as fast as she could to the bathroom. She had to lean on the sink to stay upright while she dug through the medicine cabinet. She took a few pills and left before she could look in the mirror.

Mag was making tea in the kitchen when she heard Jillian come into the room.

"Good morning. I thought you were never going to get up." She chuckled warmly and Jillian felt her mood improve. Her mother always had that effect on her. She turned from the counter and her smile faded into concern. "Where did you get all those bruises?" Damn. She'd forgotten about them.

"Uh, I guess I didn't have enough practice on those heels because I must have tripped at least twenty times. I kept falling into tables, walls, people, you name it." Relief washed over her as Mag's expression softened.

"You should have worn more sensible shoes."

"That advice would have been better yesterday." Maybe she would have been able to get away. No. She begged her brain to stay silent.

Mag could tell that something wasn't right, but she didn't push the matter any farther. There were very few things that her daughter kept from her and she was sure she would tell her if it was serious. She picked up the two cups of tea and held one out to Jillian.

"I think I'll go get dressed." She took the cup and retreated back to her bedroom to take the pills. Clothes were piled into her drawers. She picked out a pair of her favorite jeans and a plain black t-shirt. The pills were fast-acting and her pain was almost nonexistent by the time she was dressed. Ignoring a looming sense of dread, she finished her tea and brought the cup back to the kitchen.

She got a burst of energy and decided to pick up the house. She retrieved the blue dress from off the bathroom floor and threw it in the trash with more force than necessary. There was a layer of dust on nearly everything in the living room, so she got a cloth and set to removing ever small speck of it. When she was done, she vacuumed every room in the house and did the dishes. It felt good to be doing something productive.

But then exhaustion hit her without warning. Her focus was thrown as sensation started to overpower her brain. The tiles were pressing too hard against her feet, the air was burning her throat, and she could feel every bruise on her body throbbing and pulsing. She crumpled to her knees as her muscles lost control. With the onslaught of information, she had somehow forgotten to breathe. She gasped for air and began to choke.

From the other room, Mag heard Jillian fall and begin coughing uncontrollably. She rushed to the kitchen and knelt beside her.

"Please, please, no! Jillian?" She began frantically pushing on her wrist communicator and somehow managed to connect to Rotti. "Rotti! Please, you have to send someone, anyone. It's Jillian, she's… I don't know, but she needs help!" She was sobbing and shaking almost as bad as her daughter. She didn't hear whatever he said before his image disappeared.

When help came, they dragged Mag away from Jillian. She fought and screamed to stay with her, tears still pouring down her face. The doctors picked Jillian up and carried her to her room. Mag was left outside, terrified for her daughter's life, as they closed and locked the door.

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Most of you already know what's going on, but how will Mag react to Jillian's sudden attack? And Jillian tell her what's really going on? Find out in the next chapter.


	9. Chapter 9

So sorry for the delay, but my internet was disconnected and reconnected and now they say my computer is defective. I've been trying to come and write when I can at my cousin's house. This chapter is a bit lacking on my end. I'm not sure why, but I think it's from being out of my usual workspace. My comfort zone is important. So I apologize if it really sucks or anything like that. I'll try to be less ridiculous in the future.

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The girl in the bed was not Mag's daughter. There was something off that Mag couldn't place, and it all felt wrong. She only woke at odd intervals and then she would groan and writhe for a while before fading into sleep again. The doctors said that it was something she could have caught from anyone; they would all have to wait it out until it had run its course. 'No need to worry' that was what each one of them said. Worrying was the only thing that came to mind though.

Jillian's face was void of color, she was always damp with sweat, and within three days she had already begun to grow thinner. It was unnatural; terrifying. Mag had always been accustomed to seeing such fire and life in her daughter. Even this change made it seem as though she was already dead. Sometimes the thought that Jillian might die would start to gnaw away inside her skull. It ate through her thoughts until Mag went in to check on her again. Throughout the night she would wake up and creep in to make sure that she continued to breathe softly and steadily.

Rotti told her that she would eventually have to go back to work. There was a home studio in her basement and he sent over people with advertisements he wanted recorded. He kept reminding her over her communicator that she was under contract. She would agree quietly and apologize. The fight in her was gone and replaced with anxiety. She didn't know much about religion, but she prayed every night that Jillian would recover.

It was nearly a week before Jillian finally stayed awake long enough to fight her way out of bed. The doctors had all warned her to stay and rest. She got up anyway. Her legs were weak beneath her and she felt disappointed in her inability to walk on her own.

"That sickness took a lot out of you. It may take a few days or weeks for you to feel fully in control again. It's nothing major, just some limitations on what you'll be able to handle for now." In her ears, the words sounded cruel. "You'll be fine." That was debatable. The sound of footsteps drew her attention away towards the door. Her mother entered, looking like she hadn't slept in a few days. Red rimmed her eyes, her hair had been thrown up, and she was in a wrinkled t-shirt paired with torn jeans. The visible tension in her body released when she saw that her daughter was awake and moving. She crossed the room in large, quick steps and Jillian was crushed in her embrace. Sensing a need for a private moment, the doctor left the room. They stayed like that for a long time.

"I was so worried." She didn't pull back or loosen her hold. Jillian stayed silent. "They wouldn't tell me what was wrong. They think it must have been something you caught from someone at the party. I'm so sorry, Jillian. I shouldn't have made you go." Of course they would lie. If Jillian had figured it out, then they were smart enough to know what was really wrong. Still, there was no way she could tell her mother that she had been having withdrawal from being shot up by a rapist.

"It wasn't your fault, mom. I wanted to go. You couldn't have guessed any of it." They finally pulled apart. "Plus, I'm fine now." She smiled slightly to reassure her.

"I know, I know. I was just scared that I might lose you," She sighed. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you were gone." A tear rolled slowly down her face. As a child, Jillian had wondered if her mother could cry after the surgery she'd had on her eyes. This was the first time she'd seen it happen and she felt guilty that it was her fault.

"I'm sorry." Her mother looked surprised.

"Darling, it's not your-"

"I know, but I'm still sorry." They stared at each other, neither one could find the words to express what they were thinking. Mag was still worried that there was more wrong than she knew and Jillian was building a thick wall in her mind to protect against her mother's probing metallic eyes. Things needed to calm down and balance back to the way they usually were. After a few minutes, Mag broke the silence.

"I think we should both sit and relax. We could go and watch TV for a while." Jillian nodded. Sitting with her mother was always better than sitting alone. They went to the living room and sat together on the couch. No words passed between them as they searched for anything they could watch. She sat on one side of the couch and she could feel eyes on her from the opposite end. Knowing that she was being carefully observed was almost upsetting. She didn't want to be treated like she might break even though she felt like she might at any moment.

Her mind was buzzing and for the first time, she felt as though her thoughts were beginning to move beyond her control. She had never been so scared of her own mind. Pretending she was okay could only get her so far. She looked at the screen without registering the people and wondered if her mother could see through the act yet.

Mag glanced over at Jillian again. Her forehead was creased in thought, glaring at the television. She always looked angry when she was concentrating too hard. There was something important on her mind and it was frustrating not to know what she was thinking. She had inherited the double-edged sword of being incredibly stubborn. It would take a great deal of pushing for her to say what she was thinking. For now, Mag would wait and be content that she hadn't lost the last person that she loved.

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Pavi sat across his father's desk and avoided his gaze. There was accusation in the old man's eyes and it made him uncomfortable. Rotti got straight to the point.

"I know what happened at the dinner." His tone was one of irritation. "You gave that girl enough Zydrate to get her addicted in one go. I lost an entire week's worth of work from Mag because of her withdrawal. Thanks to your ridiculous obsession, you've destroyed part of her life and my business will suffer for it. That girl is the only thing keeping her mother under my control." Pavi looked down and shrugged.

"She was worth it." He muttered under his breath. Rotti sprang up from his chair.

"You will stay away from her! Do you hear me? She is now off limits. I swear if you so much as look at her again I'll- I'll" He broke into a coughing fit and sank back into his chair. When he had finally calmed down, he pointed at the door. "Get that face out of my sight!" Pavi stood and left.

Now that his father's investment was in jeopardy, he knew he would be followed to make sure he left the girl alone. He would have to wait for the heat to die down, but he couldn't stay away from her forever. When he closed his eyes, he could see her lying on the carpet of the study. Her face was beautiful and so eerily peaceful. If he didn't have other plans for her, he would have thought to take her face for his own. She was so pure and eager to see the world; he had been able to taste it on her skin. Her innocence was more addictive than any drug he knew and he was certain beyond any doubt that he would be back for more.

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Eh? Good? Weird? Bad?

All of the above? Review (Politely) with any questions, comment, or concerns and thank you. -XTAPX


	10. Chapter 10

Sorry for the delay in this, but my week has involved 14 hour days and it's completely mental. So here you go!

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Mag watched as her daughter progressively eased her way into acting like herself again. She checked off small steps on a list in her head. Every week there was new progress, the tiny quirks started to come back one at a time. Slow and likely unimportant to most, but these were what made her daughter tick.

-One week: She actually started to crack a small smile at a few of Mag's bad jokes, never a laugh. One morning over breakfast, she threw in a half-hearted comment about Rotti's fake hair. She brushed her teeth.

-Two weeks: It took less time for her to drag herself from bed in the morning. She no longer screamed in the night, though she still muttered things and walked around unconsciously. The pile of clothes on the floor of the laundry room looked slightly smaller. She still hadn't laughed.

-Three weeks: She started to hum again. Instead of hiding in her room, Jillian actually sat in the window seat facing the back yard while she read books. Her hair got brushed more often and she even went as far as getting dressed some days. The television got some use. A new schedule of longer rehearsals launched her into a full-on rant about Rotti and where he could shove his stupid cane. The dishes got done.

-Four weeks: She asked for her tutor to come back and start teaching her again. She didn't jump and look around in terror every time Mag came into a room unannounced. They spent over an hour going back and forth about the reasoning behind four-hour rehearsals when there wasn't a show for another month and a half. Eventually, she just shouted "It's like they think you'll fricking forget or something! What is it with those people?" and walked away with a frustrated groan. The dark circles under her eyes had faded and she was sleeping through the night without interruption. It was almost normal, but there was still a vital piece missing.

-Five weeks, two days: The memory of this moment was actually recorded, filed into the memory card connecting to Mag's eyes. After sitting with a book for a few hours, Jillian set it down and started pacing the house. She walked through the room Mag was trying to practice piano in.

She was almost wearing her normal clothes that day, black sweatpants and a matching sweatshirt layered over a green t-shirt from GeneCo's Corpus Crusade Tour. It was the one piece of show merchandise she had requested because the photograph on it was taken at a strange angle so that it was the only one that made Mag's eyes look completely human. (She had looked so normal that they hadn't even sold the shirts at the shows in fear of hurting the 'public image' of their star.) Muffled sound came from a pair of headphones dangling from her ears and she mouthed out the words to a song from some old opera about a 'ghost' living below a theatre. Then she paused in a sort of sudden realization. She pushed a button on her small music player and looked Mag straight in the face with an expression of deadly seriousness and irritation. Her heart stopped, waiting for something awful.

"Mom…" The pause in her words was nearly unbearable. "You drank the rest of the milk, didn't you?" Noticing her mother's look of shock, her concentration broke. The corners of her lips rose into a smile and it happened. She laughed. The sound of her laughter was like music, after going so long without hearing it. It was rain to the parched earth, sunrise after a seemingly endless darkness. And it was beautiful. Mag couldn't help but to laugh with her out of relief. It was the last step back to the way she had been before. She could almost watch the light spark back into those green eyes and it was amazing.

A week had passed since that day and she was still getting better. Jillian was sitting in the practice room in front of the piano. She plunked a few notes and then slammed her hands down and made a face. There wasn't anger or frustration in the way she did it. She was just amusing herself. Piano wasn't her strong suit. Neither was the violin. She had wanted to learn both from a young age, but she always got distracted and walked away without ever trying. Her mother had tried to teach her on several occasions.

"If you would just apply yourself like you do with your studying or your garden then I know you could be great at this!" Her face was the tiniest bit disappointed yet it brimmed with hope. Ten-year-old Jillian had stared straight down and pounded angrily at the keys before running out of the room.

After that, she no longer tried to teach her any instruments. Instead, Jillian took quickly to singing. It was so much easier to manipulate her voice than to learn something else.

She twisted around and got up from the bench. A song rattled around in her head and she started to sing it. She walked slowly from the room and into the hallway, raising her arms to brush the walls with her fingers. There weren't words with her tune, but she knew the story that the song told. Her eyes closed and she kept singing as quiet as she could. The story she felt could have been about her, but it felt foreign. It told of a girl held captive for her own protection, kept from the world by a guardian that was already kept in chains. This was who she was and yet she wasn't the one in the song.

The tune moved of its own will and she didn't even realize that she had begun to sing at full volume, pouring her soul out with her voice. And then she stopped. Eyes were on her and she looked up to see her mother standing in front of her. She lowered her arms and shrank back.

"What have I told you about this," Her voice held mixed emotions and Jillian thought she could see hurt behind her eyes. She was always so amazed and proud that Jillian had inherited her gift, but she was also afraid. Acting angry would be the best way to get the point across. "You know what would happen if they could hear you. As much as you hate them, Rotti would find a way to drag you in and use you. He would threaten and bully you until you signed yourself away. Your life would be his."

"I-" Jillian tried to cut in and stop where she knew this was going. Mag kept going, raising her voice until she was shouting. This was no longer about Jillian.

"There is no way out after that. He just takes and takes and he breaks you down until you're empty inside. The next thing you know, he cuts you off from your friends and your family and if you even try to resist he'll find a way to make you listen. He crushes everything that you love and uses it all against you! There will be nowhere to turn and no one left to talk to and he'll watch you squirm until you go insane with the agony of isolation! So much pressure and hopelessness that it pushes on your every waking moment! Eventually, it will all kill me!" She realized her mistake and stopped dead. "…You." She whispered. "I meant you." Her eyes were distant, lost in the dark truth of what she had just said. "Please, just… Don't give him a reason to pursue you." She turned away and left Jillian staring after her in silent, terrified shock.

This wasn't the first time she had flown off the handle like this, but it was the first time her words had actually struck Jillian so hard. Her mother was suffering. She was trapped into this life of being Rotti's slave and it was slowly destroying her.

Jillian sank against the wall and pulled her knees up to her chest. All this time she had felt like a victim, but it was all much bigger than she had imagined.

When she finally made it into her room and closed the door, Mag began to cry. She hadn't meant to scream, it just happened. After all the years of working for GeneCo, she was beginning to feel the depression looming just under the surface. The emptiness of her life hit her after Jillian got better. They were living from day to day with no plans for the future or any idea of the normal lives that existed on the outside of their cage. If Jillian had really died then there would be nothing. The two of them were the only things that were real in any of this.

She'd been trying to stop these thoughts, but they only seemed to consume her more each day. The bed looked inviting so she fell onto it and curled herself up against a pillow. A few deep breaths calmed her and she stared at the wall for a long time. In the stillness and silence of the room she could hear her eyes buzzing. They were never truly quiet and she'd begun to think that they were going to drive her mad one day.

The sound of careful footsteps approached her door and stopped. She knew that she had been cruel in screaming at Jillian. It was never her fault and she shouldn't have said anything. She waited for the door to open until she heard the footsteps continue back in the other direction. She sighed and buried her face farther into the pillow. Her outburst had been painful, sudden, and completely unrestrained.

How long would it be before she lost control completely?

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I hope this is a reasonable update. As always, reviews are appreciated and thank you for reading! -XTAPX


	11. Chapter 11

I am such a slacker. I am so sorry.

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Jillian would rather leave her mother alone, so she went to bed and slept uneasily. When she woke up, it was raining hard outside and she was sure she was alone in the house. Usually her mother would put off work until the last possible moment. She would find excuses to delay the driver or say she forgot something important that she had to find just so she could stay home a little longer. Today it seemed that Jillian was the one she was avoiding.

She got up and moved silently through the house. The floors in every room were ice cold. She wondered how early it really was if the heat hadn't kicked in yet. The clock in the kitchen told her that it was only 6 am and she felt a stab of pain that her mother had been eager to leave so early. She started making herself tea, focusing on the motions to keep herself from getting upset. She leaned against the counter with the cup in her hands and closed her eyes. It was hard to focus on her breathing, each inhale a little more strained, every exhale feeling more like a sob. Someone cleared their throat from across the room. She jumped, dropping her cup on the ground. Thank God it was only Cynthia.

"Jumpy today, are we?" Her voice was amused, but it was laced with threads of concern. She looked down at the puddle filled with broken glass and smirked. "That's your mess. You'd better clean it up." Somehow, the normal exchange made Jillian relax. This was one thing that never changed no matter how old she got.

Cynthia had been there since Jillian was born. She'd been younger, thirty, with fewer lines in her face, less sarcasm in her careful exchanges with the young girl. Rotti had chosen her as the best candidate for a nanny because of her experience and because she had no children of her own to distract from her work. Or question where she went if she one day disappeared. Jillian frowned in realizing that she was grateful to Rotti for his decision.

"Yeah, I'll get it. Even though technically you were the one that caused it." She returned Cynthia's smirk, earning a laugh.

"You were out of it that makes it your problem. Speaking of you being out of it," Her voice got serious and she came closer. "What's up with you today?" Jillian shrugged and knelt to pick up the glass from the floor.

"Tired I guess. It's still really early in case you hadn't noticed."

"I don't buy it. You never even try to get out of bed until you're wide awake."

"Not really…" Jillian mumbled. She knew there was no use in denying, but maybe this time Cynthia would give up. When she spoke again, her words were unexpectedly sincere.

"You can't lie to me, Jill." She sighed. If anyone other than Cynthia had called her that they would have gotten something thrown at them, but the pet name was something Jillian had grown to appreciate from her. She did her best to put a tone of annoyance in her words.

"You didn't notice someone missing this morning?" She stood and dropped the pieces of glass into the trash.

"Well it's weird that your mother isn't here, but I figured she got called in to play celebrity."

"Since when have you known her to leave when they ask her to? You've been around for fifteen years and you know that she has never once stayed on Rotti's schedule." She wiped up the tea with a towel and threw it into the sink. "Besides, she never has to go in this early. She wanted to be gone before I got up."

"Why would you think that?"

"We got into this sort of thing yesterday and I haven't talked to her since then. She stayed in her room, I stayed in mine and now she's avoiding me." Cynthia frowned. The expression was unfamiliar on her face and it made Jillian nervous. She crossed her arms and stared at the floor.

"Can't you at least try to be reasonable?" This was the part where she always slammed reality back down over Jillian's paranoia. "There's been a lot of stress in both your lives lately. You were sick to the point where I wasn't even allowed to come here in case you were contagious." She was right. How had Jillian not noticed her absence? "You could have died and I know your mother was worried sick about you because I was too. She's still trying to protect you from the world and she feels like a failure. Now it was wrong of her to take it out on you, but she's just shaken from everything. Life with GeneCo isn't all sunshine and daisies." Jillian rolled her eyes.

"Don't let the Largos hear you say that. We wouldn't want you out there slandering their good company."

"True, but don't change the subject, it's rude. Will you at least try to talk to her?" There was no arguing with Cynthia's logic.

"Yes, I will. You're always right you know."

"Of course I am! That's why I'm here. And all of this brings us to the point where I should probably start doing my job. Go on, out! Go read or do whatever the hell you do all day while I clean up the rest of this mess you made."

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Pavi drummed his fingers on the bar, staring down into his empty glass. A voice whispered in his ear, some Gentern trying to seduce him. He'd been there all night and he could feel that it was already morning. The woman next to him was determined, but he could only think of how much he wanted someone else. Her blonde hair kept changing to brown and her eyes went back and forth between blue and dazzling green. Maybe it was the liquor or just his lust.

He should take her back to his apartment, to shut her up at least. Having beautiful women fall to their knees before him had lost its appeal lately. His mind went back to her again, Jillian. He'd seen her name on a file and decided it fit her perfectly. He would have stayed there in his head forever if the Gentern hadn't expected him to answer to something she said.

"Don't you think?" Her voice was high and annoying. He thought a lot of things. He thought that he'd like to slam her head into the bar until she was quiet, but that probably wasn't the answer she was looking for. He just agreed.

"Naturalmente il mio tesoro." She gave him a look of confusion and he sighed. "Of course... of course." The smile came back to her.

"Oh, okay then. Let's go." She stood and pulled on his arm, forcing him from his comfortable position at the bar. Things went fuzzy and the next thing he knew was that he was in somone else's apartment. The blonde girl walked into his line of vision. She sat next to him on her couch and kissed him. He wasn't interested in her. Instead, he closed his eyes and thought of Jillian. His Jillian.

And it was much better.

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I've realized a few key things.

-I can't work in a strict timeline. Somehow, I can't put days with days and make it seem reasonable.

-I really don't trust my weak attempts at italian language dialogue.

Also, I'll probably update again tomorrow to make up for sucking at updating lately because of all this school crap I've had to do. I mean that is of course if this story is still being read *shrug* In which case maybe a review would be nice. Not to like hint at anything or whatever.


	12. Chapter 12

Still busy but super excited because I found some direction while I was trying to fall asleep. It is actually almost sort of planned now, which is rare for me. This chapter feels like it will be a filler-type deal… Sorry about that. Drama next time, I promise.

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The day went by peacefully. Jillian stayed out of Cynthia's way while she cleaned and they made light conversation. Cynthia stayed long past when she normally left. Jillian knew she was waiting for Mag to come home so she could make sure they talked. When she finally got back, Mag walked straight past both of them without a word.

"Go. Now." Cynthia nudged her off the couch to follow her mother. She moved slowly down the hall and knocked on her door.

"Mom?" Maybe she hadn't heard and they wouldn't have to talk at all. Jillian glanced down the hall and saw the shadow of Cynthia standing with her arms crossed, waiting. She cleared her throat and tried again. "Mom, I want to talk." There was a deadly silence in the air. It seemed like forever before the door finally opened. Her mother looked tired and defeated.

"Me too." She stood aside and Jillian took the invitation to go in and sit on the bed. Mag closed the door and sat in the vanity chair across from her. Neither one said anything for a while. The muffled sound of the front door opening and closing seemed to be the signal Mag was waiting for. "I'm sorry about yesterday."

"I know. I am too." She took a deep breath and tried to organize what she wanted to say. "I… I guess I've never realized that you deal with so much." Mag shook her head.

"You still have no idea." She took in Jillian's confused stare and decided to tell her more. "When I was young, before my eyes or GeneCo, I had the best friend anyone could have hoped for. Her name was Marni and she was the most amazing person I ever knew."

"You've never mentioned her before."

"I know, and that's because of what happened to her… She introduced me to Rotti after they'd been engaged for a while. He told me that I had a gift and he could help me if I would help him in return. Marni thought it was meant to be, that I was supposed to get the life I deserved, but GeneCo only came between us after that. I was busy being a celebrity, there wasn't time off in Rotti's plans and Marni had left him for someone else." She stopped. She remembered everything from this time too well. The loneliness pushed through her memories and she felt it snake around her throat to close her off again.

"Please…" She looked up to see Jillian's eyes blazing with curiosity. "What happened?"

"Marni got pregnant and she said I was going to be the godmother. I was so excited, I finally had something to look forward to and hope for through this horrible job. But then she got sick." Her voice shook, but she was determined to go on. "Rotti wouldn't let me see her and I was so scared for her and the baby. I got a call from her husband one night saying that she had died and it nearly killed me. She was my best friend, my only friend. I couldn't bear the thought of how empty the world would be without her and I kept thinking that her little girl never even got the chance to live. I stopped functioning. I wouldn't eat, I hardly slept, and eventually I figured that I could just wither away and be done with it." Tears started to fall and she brushed them away.

"… I'm so sorry."

"It's better now than it was before. When I found out I would be having you, things got brighter. You became my entire life… You still are." Jillian looked down, feeling guilty for having survived when Marni and her daughter hadn't. "I just want to keep you safe. You've only seen so much of what this world is like and I'm sorry for that, but you are in more danger than you know." She nodded and looked back up from the bed.

"I'm sorry about the singing too. I know I'm not supposed to, the feeling just comes and I can't fight it." Mag understood. She sometimes wished that Jillian hadn't inherited her passion for music.

"I know, but you have to be careful. I don't trust what might happen if they heard you." She sighed. "Being forced to sing is worse than staying silent." They sat for a while longer, each lost in thought.

"You have to work tomorrow and you look exhausted, so I should probably let you sleep." Jillian stood from the bed and moved to the door.

"You should go to sleep yourself." Jillian smiled at the typical nagging mother line.

"Don't worry, I will. And don't leave so early tomorrow, you're the only person I'll see all day and I won't have you avoiding me." Mag chuckled and nodded.

"Alright, I'll try. Goodnight Jillian."

"Goodnight Mom."

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I swear the next chapter will be less boring. Drama will ensue. And more after that. And even more after that!


	13. Chapter 13

Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. It's been forever! I'm awful at updates!

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In the morning, Jillian made breakfast. She and her mother ate together and it felt like things were back to normal. Mag left late, keeping the car waiting outside for almost a half hour. When she was gone, the house was far too quiet. Jillian pushed a few buttons on the wall and music filled every room. She was always glad for the fact that her house was farther away from any neighbors that might complain about the noise.

There wasn't anything to do and she didn't want to watch TV, so she decided to go out into the yard. The music wafted out through the open door as she stepped out behind the house towards her garden. She frowned at the wilting flowers she found and looked up to see that the sky was gray again. It seemed that the sun came out less than it had when she was younger. Maybe someday GeneCo would finally pollute the air enough to block out the light completely. She sighed and set to taking care of the rest of her garden anyway.

The work took over her mind and she performed each action with precision. It always felt like the garden was an extension of herself and when she took care of it, she felt better. She hummed with the music from the house and let her thoughts go blank. Everything faded until the garden was perfect. The weeds were gone and she had picked tulips and a few daisies to put in the house. She went back in the house and noticed that the music had changed to songs by her mother.

Neither of them ever listened to her work if they didn't have to. Jillian admitted that it was beautiful, but the memories it brought were always bitter. She figured the system must have made a mistake, so she went to get a vase from the kitchen before investigating the problem. She arranged the flowers and brought them into the living room. They looked perfect on the mantle and she was pleased with her work. She then turned and changed the music again. As she went to walk away, it switched right back. That wasn't normal.

There were two other control panels; one in her room and one in her mother's. She checked in her mother's room first because it was closer. This whole thing was starting to annoy her. There was nothing wrong in there. She went down the hall to her room and checked in there too. Again, nothing. She pushed a button and shut the music off altogether. It turned itself back on.

Jillian stopped herself from panicking and tried to think logically. It could just be a technical glitch. Not everything worked perfectly all the time, maybe there was just something wrong in the wiring. Still, she felt that something else was wrong. And then a smell hit her, a pungent aroma of something like sickly sweet cologne mixed with formaldehyde. It was disturbingly familiar.

She spun around and was horrified to see Pavi Largo standing behind her, a menacing grin spread over his stolen face. Her terror only made him laugh. She backed up and hit the wall, her whole body tensing, ready to run as fast as she could.

"Surprised?" He came closer. "I just couldn't stay away."

"Please," She was pressing hard into the wall now. "Just leave me alone. There's no reason for this." He cocked his head at the way she said it, like she was actually trying to use logic against him. This made him laugh louder.

"But there is all the reason in the world, mia cara. There isn't another like you. Well, not one so easily pursued." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She counted to three in her head before kicking him hard and darting out of the door. Pavi was behind her in an instant, panting and muttering curse words in Italian as he tried to keep up. Jillian made it out the back door before she tripped and collapsed into the grass. There was no use in running now. He was standing over her with a look of amusement.

"Can't you just go away? You could have anyone else!" She tried pleading. "Please, I swear I won't tell anybody. Just leave and this can all be done with… Please." Still smiling, Pavi shook his head and pulled the Zydrate gun from his pocket. To Jillian's disgust, she felt her body react immediately, shivering with hunger for the glowing blue oblivion. She wanted the needle and it was pathetic.

"You know there are two ways for this to go… Che vuoi?" She didn't have to understand to know what he was asking. Which did she want? Tears started to stream down her face as she stood shakily and stepped towards him. He held out the gun, assuming she had chosen the easy way out. She didn't offer her arm. Instead, she squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head.

She wouldn't allow herself to be a slave to the drug. Not now and not ever. His hand moved to her face and he wiped the tears away gently.

"Good. You are smart as well as beautiful." He then grabbed her hand and laced his fingers through hers. He kissed her on the forehead. She could only stare at the ground and will her mind somewhere else. "Come on, let's make use of the time we still have." He pulled her into the house and into her room and onto the bed.

And the only thing she could think after he was gone… Was that she had let him.

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Sorry this took so long. School is quite the life-consuming process, but the end justifies the means. In this case at least. I will update tomorrow. I promise. And if I don't, I'll update twice this week and again next Saturday. I PROMISE. Review if you wish. And thank you for reading. -XTAPX


	14. Chapter 14

I was struck with the need for a cliffhanger. Short, but it will ultimately work better this way.

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Pavi showed up every week on Cynthia's days off. Jillian could tell when he was coming before he did by the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. She didn't know how long this had been going on. The only thing to show that time had passed at all was the decay of the flowers in the living room. One day they disappeared and she was sure that time had stopped.

The visits from Pavi varied from being vicious to being almost loving. Sometimes he would come and bring her flowers on his way somewhere else or stop by to hold her against him for an eternity and breathe in the scent of her hair. Those days were worse than the rest, but she dealt with them just the same.

She never refused him anything. She sat next to him on the couch, kissed him if he asked her to, poured him coffee or tea the way he wanted. In a twisted way she wondered if he must think that meant she loved him. The thought was enough to make her cringe. The only way she could survive was to become detached.

Jillian was there in the physical sense, but her mind and spirit were gone completely. Now she was just the shell of a dying soul.

One morning when she woke up, there was no one else around. The feeling of being alone took a while to sink in. When it finally reached her brain, she got an idea.

She was exhausted so her body took the liberty of pulling itself out of bed and into the kitchen. The locked cabinet next to the sink drew her closer, and she knew what was inside. A voice whispered to life inside her head.

"Open it. There's nobody around to see." Her hand hesitated just above the handle. "Come on!" The voice persisted angrily, whining. It started to sound like her mother. "He'll never leave you alone now, not with everything he's said. And you think I'd care? I have more important things to worry about than your problems. I won't even notice! Nobody would, because you're not even real, Jilly. This is a hell that you can save us both from and this way is best; No mess, no pain, just like falling asleep." And then it went in for the kill. "You've always been a disappointment to me… For once in your life, do something right."

This was wrong, all of it. But she was already convinced. She grabbed the handle and pulled as hard as she could. It didn't budge. She groaned in frustration and left to find a hammer before she lost her momentum.

It felt insane to realize that this was the perfect way to get rid of everything. Strange relief came in knowing that she wouldn't have to worry anymore.

Jillian found a heavy sledgehammer in the basement and brought it back to the kitchen. She took a deep breath. Then she slammed the hammer as hard as she could into the locked cabinet. She kept swinging until the padlock lay crushed among splinters of wood.

There were so many different bottles of pills, so she took out every bottle and poured one of each kind onto the counter. She picked up the first handful and paused. Maybe lack of sleep was starting to get to her. Her mother couldn't really hate her, could she? But she'd already learned that anyone could do anything they wanted in this screwed up world. And she could do this.

Handfuls of colorful pills disappeared down her throat and she started to get drowsy. Her legs buckled beneath her and she fell against the tile. It was cold, clean, almost comfortable with the fuzzy feeling now creeping through her. Black spots clouded her vision and she only briefly noticed the blood pooling near her face before she finally faded out… Just like falling asleep.

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So this is really getting a bit dark I guess. But dark is good here. I think it might get worse, but I'm not sure if it warrants bumping up the rating. Maybe a few opinions could help me out? Is it better safe than sorry? Review with your thoughts on the matter and maybe with concerns or questions. And thank you as always. -XTAPX


	15. Chapter 15

I was so thrilled to see so many reviews! It makes me feel like I'm doing something good. This chapter is a bit in the sense that it doesn't follow Jillian. For somewhat obvious reasons.

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A loud beeping noise started up from somewhere in another room and it wouldn't go away. Before she tried to get up, Cynthia decided she would figure out what it was. If it had a remote, then why waste a trip out of bed?

It sounded familiar and important, like an alarm. It didn't go to her security system or her car, she was sure of that. But it couldn't be anything else in her house. In _her_ house. She threw off her comforter and jumped out of bed. The noise she heard was the alarm she'd installed inside the pill cabinet in Mag's kitchen. As she rushed to get dressed, she was glad it had woken her.

Panic was quick to set in. Mag was working and that left Jillian in the house alone. She prayed that she'd just needed something small for a headache or something stupid. She tried not to remember that she knew otherwise.

Trying to start her car, Cynthia missed the ignition three times before the key made it in. She nearly hit a man walking his dog when she backed out, but she didn't even hear him screaming as he disappeared in her rear view mirror. Speeding in the city's constant traffic was stupid, so she kept herself on the quickest side streets. Red light.

It took her a few seconds to realize that she was actually afraid of what she might find. She had never been so afraid, not even when her husband had been close to death. Jillian was more important. Her hands tensed on the wheel, knuckles turning white, while she waited for the light to turn again. It did and she went on in her rush.

She made it to the house and was running to the door before the car had even stopped. The door was unlocked and she walked inside.

"Jillian?" There was no response. She went through the living room and into Jillian's bedroom. No sign of her. Idiot. The kitchen. She was holding her breath and she gasped at what she found there.

Jillian was still in her pajamas, lying on the floor in a small pool of her own blood. She was pale aside from the smeared red on the side of her face. But she looked eerily peaceful.

Cynthia crossed the room and knelt down beside her, ignoring the blood she was sitting in. She found the weakest possible pulse and tried to feel relieved. Standing, she found the destroyed wooden mess and dug deeper in the cabinet. She went into another world as she focused on the bottles of liquid she pulled out.

She had been trained as a nurse and Rotti had chosen her for days like this. To save either of them and both of them at the same time. She saw which pill bottles were empty and poured out different chemicals to fix what Jillian had done.

Maybe it wouldn't be enough. There were so many pills gone, so much blood! It was even shining and sticky on her hands as she swirled the glass containing what she hoped could save Jillian. She stopped to find a needle and a vial of something else strong enough to wake Jillian up for just long enough to help her.

Cynthia brought the needle and the glass back down onto the floor and grabbed Jillian's arm. Her skin was near transparent and she injected the clear liquid into the biggest vein there was. And she waited.

Slowly, too slowly, her eyes opened the smallest bit. Cynthia pulled up her to sit against the cupboards and brought the glass to her lips.

"Drink." Jillian groaned and turned her head. "Jillian, please." She turned her head again and her eyes met Cynthia's. They said it all. She didn't want to make it, her eyes pleaded for peace, they begged for death. Cynthia couldn't stop the feeling of pain that shot through her, but she shook her head. "No, I can't let that happen. Drink it." There was defeat reflected in every part of her. She drank it all and looked away.

There was silence between them for a long time. There was one question that hovered unasked, and Cynthia finally got up the nerve to say it out loud.

"Why?"

"Why not?" The reply was instant, as if it was the only reasonable answer there was. It broke her heart to hear Jillian sound so sure of it.

There was nothing else to be said. Worn out from her near death experience, Jillian fell asleep and Cynthia stared at her. She was still bloody and ghostly white, but she was alive.

The fact that she would have wanted to take her own life still hurt. Jillian was the only thing Cynthia had that was close to a child of her own and she did love her.

It wasn't smart, but she decided she would let Jillian sleep for now.

She hadn't realized that she was wearing her wrist communicator, but it beeped.

"Incoming message from Rotti Largo." He could always make a terrible situation worse and this was no exception. She hit a button to let it through.

"Is everything straightened out there?"

"Yes. There was an incident with Jillian, but I've got her stable. Well, physically." Through the other end, she heard him groan. He knew something about this.

"Will she be back to normal by this evening?"

"She should be fine. Why by tonight?"

"When Mag comes home, she is to know nothing of this. Do everything in your power to ensure that Jillian is the picture or health by the time she returns."

"But why keep this from her? If there's something wrong she has the right-"

"Do not question my judgment. This is best for everyone. Yourself included, Cynthia. Understood?"

"Yes, Mr. Largo." She caught the threat.

"And try to secure the pills somewhere safer this time. We wouldn't want this unfortunate accident to happen a third time."

"Yes, Mr. Largo. I'll make sure they're safer this time." And with a click, he was gone.

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A third time? But when has it happened before? Of course you'll find out in the next chapter, because I'm not that cruel. Hopefully Saturday, but it is a holiday weekend so don't hold me to it! I've decided that I will be bumping this for pure safety. I'm one of those paranoid people. Review if you wish. And tell me how the different POV went because I'd like to hear some opinion on it.

Opinions are the key to fixing crappy mistakes! But if your opinion is like a totally jerky one, be nice. Thank you. -XTAPX


	16. Chapter 16

Sorry this took so long. I got really offended by the guy staying at my cousin's house and I refused to come back until she was home from vacation. I am a proud, stubborn bitch. Sadly, the computer I write with is here so… Sorry for that.

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It had been almost thirteen years ago, sometime after Jillian turned three. Mag had been negotiating something with Rotti and she was livid. She screamed and fought against Rotti over the phone almost every day for weeks. Cynthia heard every sort of curse word there was, coming straight from Mag's mouth and echoing through the house. Most days she'd take Jillian somewhere else just to get her away from it all.

One night as she was leaving, Mag approached her. She looked tired and upset about something. Cynthia could tell that whatever she was arguing against hadn't ended well for her. It was sad to see someone so young and vibrant getting robbed and used by a pig like Rotti.

"I need to ask for a favor." She sighed. Cynthia knew that it would either be a favor from Mag or a command from Rotti, so she nodded and let her continue. "I'm scheduled for a global tour soon. I tried to cut down the time but the least I could get was almost six months."

"And you need me to stay with Jillian." Mag nodded and rubbed her face with her hands.

"Yes. I tried to figure out any way I could to get her to come. I'm sorry to ask you, but Rotti says it's too dangerous to bring her and there's really nobody else I can trust." She looked away, embarrassed.

Everyone she'd ever known was either dead or had no idea of her real problems. If she told anyone else about Jillian, they wouldn't be allowed to survive long enough to help her. Cynthia knew this, and she wanted to help.

"Don't worry about it, I'd be glad to."

"Are you sure? It's a long time and I'm sure we could find someone more… temporary." Cynthia shook her head.

"No, it's fine with me. And then she can at least be with someone she knows. I won't allow one of GeneCo's Disposable Nannies anywhere near that girl or I'd take 'em out myself." She smirked and was relieved that Mag actually laughed.

"Thank you. It means the world to me that you'd take care of her."

"No problem. I'm going home, I'll get all the details tomorrow if Rotti hasn't sent them already." She rolled her eyes. He had to have known she'd agree. "Night Mag."

"Goodnight." And that was how it started.

Over the next week, plans were finalized. Every day the house was filled with people helping Mag pack or going over itineraries or just getting in the way on purpose. Jillian left every morning before the rest of the people came, staying with Cynthia until they all left at night. When the day Mag left finally came, she made sure nobody was allowed into the house.

She sat Jillian on the sofa in the living room and crouched down in front of her. Cynthia stood off to the side and tried not to interfere with their goodbye.

"I know I've been really busy lately, but I'm getting ready for a really big, important trip. I'm not going to be here for a while, but I want you to behave for Cynthia." Jillian stared at her, trying to understand what her mother was saying.

"You're leavin'?" Her squeaky voice was confused and sad. "Why are you leavin'?" Mag bit her lip, keeping her composure. She smiled sadly.

"I have to go away to work, honey. It won't be too long and then I'll be back, okay?"

"You could work here." She twisted her fingers in her lap and kept talking like she was working out something very important. "When you stay, Cynnia could go to work away and you could work here instead."

"I'm sorry, but it doesn't work out that way. I've got to leave and Cynthia's got to stay here with you." It was getting harder for Mag not to cry and Cynthia stepped in. A horn honked outside, hurrying things along.

"It's going to be okay, Jill, believe me. She just has to go for a little while and then she'll be back before you know it." Jillian shook her head stubbornly and started to cry.

"But I know it now! You told me!" She wrapped her arms around Mag's neck. "Stay, mommy, stay!" Mag hugged her back and then let her go.

"I'm sorry, and I love you, but I have to go." She stood up and Jillian grabbed her leg, still screaming. She shot Cynthia a pleading look and tears had started in her eyes. Cynthia knelt down and grabbed Jillian. She pulled her off and held her tightly. Mag started walking backwards, wiping her eyes. "I'm sorry, Jillian. I'm sorry." She turned and rushed out the door. It clicked shut behind her and the sound of engines faded outside as the cars drove off.

Jillian cried continuously for the first two weeks. She threw her food and had tantrums, screaming at the top of her lungs and hitting and kicking everything she could reach. Every time Cynthia tried to talk to her to make her feel better, she would run away and hide somewhere in the house. In public, a woman asked Jillian if Cynthia had kidnapped her. After a brief run in with the police, Rotti had to be called to resolve the matter. She didn't ask, but she got the feeling that someone lost more than their job.

Eventually, Jillian got used to the idea of staying with Cynthia and only cried at night. Cynthia would wake up and hear her sniffling from across the hall. She would go into her room and stroke her hair or turn the stereo system to one of Mag's songs. The music would make her calm down and she would sleep soundly after that.

They went to the parks and museums together; staying occupied helped keep Jillian from thinking too much about her mother. Most times somebody would compliment Cynthia on having such a smart little girl.

"You must be very proud of her," a man at the grocery store told her. Jillian had been learning to read surprisingly well and was listing the names on the cereal boxes. "She'll be someone great someday."

"She's not mine. She's my friend's daughter." The look of confusion on his face made her uncomfortable and she didn't correct anyone else.

It was hard not to get attached to Jillian. Cynthia felt a gnawing guilt at feeling possessive over Mag's daughter, but she had started to think of Jillian as hers. They spent every day together. She wiped Jillian's tears if she was hurt and watched her laugh and read her old fairy tales before she went to bed. It was agonizing to see the weeks go by and know that Mag would soon be back to claim her role as mother.

A week before Mag's scheduled return, Cynthia woke up to a knock at the door. The pounding sounded through every room and she cursed, hoping it wouldn't wake up Jillian. She rushed down the hall and across the living room.

"Calm down, calm down! I'm coming!" She muttered angrily. Through the frosted glass, she saw the silhouette of a person, bouncing anxiously on the other side of the door. When it opened, her jaw dropped in shock.

"Surprise!" Mag beamed at her from the steps and leaned across to hug her. She stiffened slightly, till confused.

"They had to cancel Belgium's shows for some civil unrest, safety, or whatever and I got off early! Where's Jillian?" She stepped into the house and looked around. Just then, Jillian decided to make an appearance in the hall. She stood in her purple flowered pajamas, rubbing her eyes sleepily. Mag smiled even wider and walked to stand in front of her. "Hi sweetie. Did I wake you?" Jillian stared at her, puzzled. "Come here and give me a hug, silly!" Jillian's eyes widened and she ran past Mag, clinging to Cynthia and hiding behind her legs.

"Oh my god, Mag I'm sorry. Jillian, don't be mean, your mommy just got back and she wants a hug." Jillian peeked from around Cynthia's thigh and fixed her green eyes on Mag. She was working hard somewhere in her young mind, trying to remember the face she was seeing. It took a second for it to click, and in that instant, Mag's heart visibly shattered.

"Mommy!" Jillian suddenly cried. She flew into her arms and held on tight, rattling off all the details of her time with Cynthia. Mag didn't take her mechanical eyes off of Cynthia the whole time. She was ashamed at the fact that Jillian had run to her instead of her mother, and hurt by the way Mag stared. But the worst part was the small glimmer of pride she felt over Jillian's reaction. There was a piece of her that still commanded claim over the young girl and she squished it away with difficulty.

Later, she would feel worse. Finding Mag draped limply on the sofa, the medicine cabinet raided and emptied. She was legally dead for nearly five minutes, but Cynthia brought her back. And still, if she lingered too long on those happy months spent being Jillian's guardian, she could hear the words Mag sobbed out after she woke up. The words that drove Cynthia away for almost a full year, terrified that she would make things worse and kill what was left of Magdalene Defoe.

"You… She wanted you."

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This is something I felt the need to add in. It explains the whole reasoning behind the hidden pills and it will tie in eventually I think. Plus it saves me the trouble of having to put the whole thing out an awkward conversation. Flashbacks are fun. I support them fully.

Review if you want, or don't. I have the next chapter half written and hope to post it Friday or Sunday. Thanks as always for reading, and enjoy the rest of your day.

-XTAPX


	17. Chapter 17

I don't feel like saying much today.

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Jillian's brain was fuzzy when she woke up. She tried to open her eyes, but there was too much light and it hurt. More pain came when she turned her head, causing her to cry out. In an instant, there was the sound of a bed creaking and someone was at her side.

"Jillian?" It was Cynthia and she sounded as if she'd been crying. Jillian struggled again to open her eyes and Cynthia's worried face swam into view. There was relief in her eyes and a small smudge of dried blood on her cheek. "Oh thank god. I shouldn't have let you sleep. I started to think that maybe you were worse off than I thought." Somehow, she'd managed to get the blood off Jillian and carry her to her room. She cringed when she realized that her clothes were different too. She hoped that Cynthia hadn't seen the scars and other marks underneath.

"Ugh. My head." She croaked.

"I know, it hurts. You hit it pretty hard when you fell. I had to give you a few stitches." Her hand moved gently over Jillian's hair.

"My brain feels like it's going to explode. Can't I have something to stop it?" Her hand stopped abruptly and she stood up.

"No." Anger radiated from her in waves, but it was uncertain. She wasn't sure whether to be relieved or furious. "You deserve it for the hell you put me through this morning." It was taking a serious effort to keep her voice steady and Jillian watched her fists clench and unclench as she walked across the room.

"I'm sorry."

"No you're not… you're just sorry I stopped you." She paused in front of the window and stared out of it sadly. Jillian pulled herself up to sit against the headboard, ignoring the stab of pain she felt as she moved. "What happened to you? You've been so… different."

_A fucking psychopath is what happened._ The dark response in Jillian's head startled her and she pushed it aside.

"I don't know." She lied. "It all just happened so fast this morning. It's like I wasn't even there." Some of it was true. It really had felt like a distant dream, but she knew exactly why she'd done it. She heard her mother's voice as she'd heard it before; _For once in your life, do something right._

"You're lying. You never used to do that either."

"Why does it matter? I'm okay now." Cynthia turned and gave her a look of pity.

"Are you?"

"Of course I am."Something about the assumption irritated her. She wasn't okay, but what right did Cynthia have to judge her? "There's nothing wrong with me. You fixed it and now I'm perfectly fine."

"Jill, please." She sat on the edge of the bed and grabbed Jillian's hand tightly. "You're a brilliant girl, you always have been, and you know that nothing will ever get better unless you tell someone what's wrong." Jillian pried her hand away and groaned with annoyance.

"What will it take for you to understand that there is _nothing_ wrong with me?" She snapped. "I have one bad day-"

"This is a bit more serious than a bad day, Jillian! You-"

"Whatever! So I made a mistake, but I'm okay now. I just want to drop this and go on with my life!"

"That's not what I saw this morning!" That stopped her. They sat staring at each other for a while. Jillian eventually tore her eyes away from Cynthia's and picked at the edge of her sheet.

"How long have you been trying to hurt yourself before now?" Cynthia asked quietly.

"Those aren't…" She sighed. "It's not what it looks like."

"Really? Because it looks like someone's been beating the shit out of you for the past few months." She tugged at the sheet and it slid off to reveal a particularly painful looking purple mark peeking out from the bottom of Jillian's shorts. It was such a deep purple that it was almost black, with a sick-looking yellow-green ring around it. "If it's not what it looks like, then what is it?"

Seeing the dark, ugly bruise brought back memories she'd been trying to erase and Jillian started to cry. Cynthia reached out to touch her, but she instinctively flinched away and buried herself into her pillows.

"It's alright. You can tell me." Jillian sobbed harder. She wanted to tell Cynthia everything. She wanted to let go of all the things she'd been hiding so that someone else could understand. All the wildly shifting moods and fear she felt could go away and maybe she could get help. But then she thought of what would happen to Cynthia if Pavi knew she'd told.

"I can't. Please, I can't."

"Okay. Shh, it's okay. Just let me help you." She rubbed Jillian's back slowly and carefully as her sobbing died away into silent tears. "If you can't tell me, then answer a few questions for me at least." Jillian shook her head. "Please. You don't have to talk, you can nod or shake your head. They're all either yes or no. If you don't want to answer then you don't have to." Jillian thought about it for a minute before nodding. She rolled over and pulled herself into a cocoon of blankets.

"Is your mother doing this?" Jillian shook her head quickly and regretted it. Cynthia saw her wince and made a face of apology. "Be careful of that."

"It is someone I'd know?" She shrugged and tilted her head. She would know him, but it wasn't like she might guess. "If I saw them?" She nodded. Yes.

"Does it only happen on the days when I'm gone?" Another nod. Yes.

"Is it more than just… violence?" She did nothing and kept her eyes focused elsewhere. It was supposed to mean 'no answer', but it was definitely a yes. Cynthia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It was despicable to think about anyone ever hurting Jillian, let alone something worse.

"Does your mother know about this?" A head shake. No.

"Am I allowed to tell her?" Her eyes widened and she shook her head vigorously without worrying about how much it hurt. Definitely not.

"Alright… I won't tell, no matter how much I think I should." She raised her eyebrows and then frowned again. "If I were to be here every day, then I could keep you safe." Jillian shook her head. "How else do you expect me to help you? You won't tell me who, you won't even explain what's really going on, and I'm not allowed to tell your mother. This is the only way I can help without telling her, and I will not just _let_ this happen." Her tone was serious and final. Something else occurred to her and she added "And we can't tell your mother about what happened today." This gained an actual response from Jillian

"Why?"

"Rotti doesn't want to upset her. Plus he says it make things worse for all of us." This ominous answer was enough to let Jillian know that he knew exactly what had driven her to death's door and was doing his best to cover it up. It was the story of her life- Literally.

"God, he is such an ass! How does he even know what happened?"

"He has his ways. There are probably cameras in most rooms of the house. Especially near dangerous things like knives, which are-"

"In the kitchen." She finished, nodding with realization. "Buy why would he worry so much? It's not like either of us would have tried anything before." The silence that followed was uncomfortable. "…Unless that's why." She stared at Cynthia until she nodded.

"Do you remember the last long tour your mother went on?"

"She left for almost a month when I was eleven, but that's the only one I can remember."

"You were only three when she left for the longest one. She left for six months and you couldn't remember her when she came back." Jillian looked horrified.

"How could I forget my own mother?"

"I don't know, you must have been too young or maybe it was just too long. Either way, you ran to me when she tried to hug you and it broke her heart. The look on her face was terrible and I knew she blamed me. She tried the same thing as you -Pills- Except she almost didn't make it." She shook her head. "She told me it was because you would rather be with me. I stopped coming in to work. I didn't want to face her again after that. It took a year before Rotti told me that no one else was working out and I _had_ to come back. At least for you. The pills had to get locked up after that incident too to make sure she didn't do it again. If I ever thought you'd… I would have done a better job in hiding them."

"No, it was my fault. I am sorry though."

"I know. And I'm sorry that I never noticed anything before now." She took Jillian's hand and squeezed it. Then she glanced at the alarm clock on the side table and sighed.

"What?"

"We've only got a few hours before your mother gets home. You should eat and do something so you don't look so…" She didn't say the word, but Jillian knew it would have been 'dead'. "Then figure out a way to explain the busted cabinet. I haven't cleaned up all the blood in the kitchen yet either."

"There's some on your face too." She poked the reddish-brown spot.

"Then I'll get that first."

"Thanks, it's kind of scary." She chuckled and Cynthia gave a small smile. She looked down and bit her lip, thinking. "Are things… 'good' now?" Cynthia shrugged and stared at her sadly.

"I still want to know what's going on, but if you don't want to talk then yes, we're good. For now."

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I ended up rewriting this whole thing anyway. Which is okay I guess. And don't ever listen to me when I tell you what day I'll be updating on. I don't ever do what I say. Ever. As always, reviews are encouraged! Thank you for reading! -XTAPX


	18. Chapter 18

This has taken forever! I apologize! I wrote it like 3 different ways and I hated them all so I started over again. And then changed it repeatedly anyway. Oops!

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Mag walked into the house after dark and threw her coat onto the sofa. She paused a moment and stared at the rough floral upholstery. And she realized how much she truly hated that sofa. Then again she hated nearly everything Rotti ever gave her, so the sofa might have gotten a bad start by default. Having him control all aspects of her life was starting to get to her more and more. The day of rehearsing and working with a stupid personal trainer had been exhausting and unnecessary. He seemed to be keeping her there longer on purpose just to torture her.

The kitchen sink turned on and Mag smiled, relieved that Jillian was up and about. Sleep could wait for something like this. Lately she'd been quiet and withdrawn, never speaking much about her day or amusing herself like she usually did. A few nights ago they'd been eating dinner in silence and she kept staring around the room like she expected something to attack her from the shadows, she'd taken to doing this constantly and it was starting to worry Mag. There was never enough time to ask her about it before she would excuse herself and hide away in her room. Hopefully she would be feeling better today.

As she entered the kitchen, Mag's face fell. Instead of Jillian, she was greeted by Cynthia washing dishes. Today was supposed to be her day off. Confusion made Mag's words harsher than she meant them.

"Why are you here?" Cynthia turned and her face held traces of disappointment. Mag still held her at an arm's length because of their rough past. She shut off the sink and wiped her hands on her pants- which looked suspiciously like a pair she'd stowed away in her closet last year.

"Jillian called complaining of a migraine this morning and she needed me to get into the medicine cabinet for her. Since I was here after that I figured I could help around the house a bit... Less for me to do tomorrow." She shrugged and Mag looked down to see that the medicine cabinet was missing its door entirely. Her expression was suspicious and she glared at Cynthia.

"You had to destroy my cabinet to get it open?" The other woman's mouth opened to reply, but just then a pair of arms wrapped around Mag's middle and their owner responded for her.

"Sorry Mom, that was my fault." Mag looked over her shoulder at Jillian, grinning sheepishly. "I was a little… impatient and I broke in before she could get here. Though in my defense, it was a really awful headache." A sigh escaped her and she managed a small smile. She was rarely ever able to keep her anger towards Jillian.

"That's alright, we'll get someone to fix it. I guess it's my fault for keeping them locked up in the first place." She glanced up at Cynthia, who nodded in agreement. This small lie was one they'd agreed to pass on so things looked less suspicious. Jillian looked up to and caught Cynthia's eye, unnoticed by her mother. She raised an eyebrow and as soon as Mag turned again, Cynthia shook her head discreetly.

"I should leave. I haven't been home all day and I'm sure there's something I have to do there." Mag sensed her uneasiness as she left the room. She knew that Cynthia lived alone in her house and that she sometimes came over just to escape the emptiness. It wasn't entirely abnormal for her to leave quickly from Mag's presence, but something in the way left now was unsettling.

Stepping out of Jillian's embrace, Mag followed Cynthia into the living room. Jillian moved to do the same.

"No. I need to speak to her alone." She turned and went to find Cynthia on the sofa, putting on her shoes. "Is there something wrong?"

"Keep an eye on her." Her voice was low and she didn't look up. Mag stared at her.

"Wha-?"

"Shh. Just keep an eye on her. Trust me." She stood quickly and left without another word.

Mag stood paralyzed in the middle of the room. When the hell had things started to go so insane around here? None of this made any sense and she knew there was something she was missing. It was obvious that Cynthia was keeping something from her. It made her blood boil in her veins to even think about it. She had absolutely no right!

Jillian poked her head out from in the kitchen and raised an eyebrow.

"Done now?" She said nothing, she just looked her daughter over and cringed inside. Though she seemed happier at the moment, she looked so much worse. Paler and thinner for sure, and that spark she always had was dull once again. Drained straight from her by some dark secret she kept. There was a whole other girl lurking behind those familiar eyes, a terrifying and cold girl sharing her daughter's skin. After a few minutes of this, Mag could see worry and anxiety crack through Jillian's upbeat facade. "What?" She snapped.

"Nothing. I just…" _Don't recognize you anymore. Can't trust you. Think you're slipping away. _A wave of sadness and anger swept through her and she tried to keep herself from screaming all of these things and more. "… never mind. It was nothing, my eyes must have glitched for a second. I'm going to go to bed, today was pretty hectic." A look of longing passed through Jillian's eyes for a split second. Like she wanted to go back to the way things were before when they sat together and discussed the day openly, joking and laughing and enjoying each other's company. Things were simpler that way. Then she was a blank slate again just as quickly.

"Okay, goodnight." She stayed in the kitchen doorway until Mag had gone into her room and shut the door.

Some painful emotion gripped at her heart and she was crying silently without warning. Everything about this hurt. She loved her mother and keeping her in the dark felt like the deepest betrayal she could fathom. Still, she couldn't face the shame behind the truth. Tears slid down and splashed down on the polished wood floor. Part of her felt better to be releasing her emotions, but the larger part- that damned voice that kept appearing in her head- started to protest.

_What is your problem? You think she can see it? Not even better eyes would make her see you. _"Shut up." She whispered. _Then stop whining. Get over yourself. Cynthia won't say anything and that means she'll never have to know unless you fuck it all up by crying every two seconds. Calm down and go to bed._ "Okay… Okay." She took deep breaths and made her way back to her room, shutting off lights as she went. This voice shouldn't be the one she listened to. Yet it made so much sense. If everything went well with Cynthia staying around to protect her, nobody else would ever have to know.

This thought was a comfort and she slept peacefully with the misguided certainty that everything would be okay soon…

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Mag knows that something is wrong, but will she actually suspect the truth? Or will she fear for something much worse in the future? Do questions like this give away a lot about what I'm trying to convey? I guess that's a question of whether or not I'm screwing with your predictions by leading false trails. Or are they all that false? DUN DUN DUN!

Sorry, it's late! Review if you so please. And as always, thank you for reading. -XTAPX


	19. Chapter 19

Let's try not to derail this too bad. I tend to do that. I started this on Friday the 3rd. We'll see how long it takes me to put up, like a game! Except it's like a game to guilt me into updating. See I just screwed this whole thing up again. Sorry about that.

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Pavi's leg bounced anxiously as he waited in the back of the limo. He was being driven to _her_ again. His last opportunity to see Jillian had been interrupted by a public appearance and that was almost a full week ago. Needless to say, he was eager to be back. He could imagine her sitting alone in the middle of her bed, waiting with the same expression of defeat and disgust she wore every time. She always knew when he would be there, a skill he admired in her. Even her hatred could not drive him away. The fact that she was different than all the women fawning over him was all part of her appeal.

The limo turned onto her street and he was momentarily confused. There was another car farther up the driveway. _That damned housekeeper._ He growled with annoyance at this. She wasn't supposed to be there today. The driver rolled down the privacy window.

"Would you like to go back, Mr. Largo?" He thought for minute. Surely this was some plot to keep him away and he was furious about it. There was no way he could go home knowing any of this.

"No. Leave me." He got out and waited for his car to disappear before heading into the small wooded area to one side of the secluded street. He would wait for now, but this was not over.

It took until after dark for the car to finally leave and by then Mag had returned home. Pavi was currently creeping through the darkness behind the house towards Jillian's window. He'd been waiting all day and he wasn't going to give up.

Stealing faces had given him practice in silent waiting and the element of surprise. For a moment he almost wished that a face were his reason for sneaking around this house. He could imagine himself looking amazing in Jillian's skin, or even Mag's. He shook this thought from his head. There was other business to attend to here.

Pavi came up underneath the window to her bedroom and peered inside. He could see the dark shape of the furniture in the room. As his eyes adjusted further, he saw that she was sound asleep under a mound of blankets. He pressed his hands to the glass and pushed up slowly. The window was unlocked to his surprise and he heaved himself up through the opening. He was surrounded by her scent and it was strange to feel that he had actually missed her.

The sound of her steady breathing was the only thing to fill the room and he tiptoed carefully to her bed. He sat beside her and stared at her, memorizing the details of her peaceful face. She wasn't tense with fear, she was not angry, and she was not sad. Without these familiar emotions to mar her beauty, she was infinitely more perfect than any woman he had ever seen.

His hand moved towards her face and brushed her cheek tenderly before clamping tightly over her mouth. His other arm pinned her body to the mattress to stop her from moving to hit him. Her eyes opened slowly in confusion before filling with terror. She writhed and he felt the screams he had surely trapped beneath his hand. He hadn't been around in a while so perhaps she thought he had lost interest in her or even that she could have been safe. He smiled at how innocent she was. Well, he thought darkly, she had been innocent the first time at least.

"Shh, bella. There is no point fighting. I thought we were past this already." She stopped trying to scream, but his hand moved just in time to catch her arm as it whipped up to strike him. "I am here to speak to you, not fuck you, you stupid girl!" He whispered fiercely. This seemed to catch her off guard because she stopped moving long enough for him to grab her wrists. He pinned her arms above her head and swiftly moved to sit on top of her. Ignoring the movement of her body beneath him, he stared down at her. "Are we finished now?" She simply glared at him. "We will get nowhere if you do not answer. I thought you to be quite intelligent but perhaps I was wrong."

"Yes," She hissed through gritted teeth. "Now what do you want?"

"I want to know what that woman was doing here. Your housekeeper should not have been here today." Jillian swallowed.

"You've got your days confused, _Paviche_." She emphasized his full name and he dug his nails hard into her wrists.

"Shut your mouth. If you ever call me that again I will cut out your tongue, then I'll pull out all of your teeth one by one. It would make you quiet _and_ accommodating." He laughed and his implication sent shivers running through Jillian's spine. "And believe me, I am never wrong when it comes to you."

"Why does it matter? She was here for company it's not like _you're_ paying her!"

"It matters when she is interfering with things that belong to me."

"I belong to no one."

"Everything belongs to someone and you are mine. You've been plotting with this woman and I'm finished with your games. She can either have my property or my father's. Though I'm not sure how much use she'll be to you without a heart!" Jillian felt like her own heart had stopped dead.

"What do you mean?" She knew he could hear the fear in her voice, but she prayed he was only trying to mess with her head.

"Your darling nurse has a borrowed heart, mia cara, a part from my father's company. You seem upset about this, which is why I think it is the perfect time to teach you a lesson in obedience." His smile glinted in the pale moonlight from the window. "It is your little stunt that will cost the Repo man an extra stop tomorrow night."

"No! Please I didn't tell her anything!" She said in a panicked whisper.

"It's too late to take it back now. She knows too much or she wouldn't have been here. I bet she's been here every day hasn't she? She thought she could protect you." This was exactly what Jillian had feared most and she tried pleading with him.

"Please, Pavi, don't hurt her! She doesn't know it's you and I won't ever tell her! She's not important, I'll tell her to stay away those other days if that's what you want. I'll do anything if you just leave her!" He seemed to consider her offer. He looked down at her, red-eyed, crying, offering herself up to save someone else. It was pathetic.

"As tempting as that is, you will learn nothing without discipline. You get one last day and tomorrow night, the Repo man _will_ come for her. Even if you warn her, she will never be safe. Next time hopefully you will think twice before you tell anyone about us." He kissed her forehead and wished her a good night before moving off her and slipping out of the window.

Jillian couldn't think. She curled up under her blankets and stared at the wall. It was her fault. Everything was always her fault. But really it wasn't, it was all Pavi Largo. Damn Pavi and his stupid fucking obsession! This was too far. She was absolutely furious. And heartbroken. She wished he could just leave Cynthia alone.

_Whining. You're just whining so shut up unless you're going to do something about it. But what could she do? Pavi was right when he said the Repo man would find her anywhere. The best thing she could do was keep Cynthia from knowing the truth. If Jillian knew anything from experience, it was that ignorance truly was bliss. The voice in her head began to argue, but she shut it out. She whispered out loud to make her decision final._

"_It's better this way. Tomorrow will be her last day and I won't let it go bad."_

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_I am sorry this took too long, but some idiot left my laptop cord out in a rain storm. No joke. Some people are really just that stupid. I finished my finals this week and school is out so hopefully I will be able to write more often in my free hours! Reviews are always nice! -XTAPX_


	20. Chapter 20

Jillian didn't sleep at all after Pavi left. She got up early to make breakfast and by the time Mag emerged from her room the smell of all sorts of food was thick in the air.

"Well you've been busy." She laughed at the sight of Jillian bent over the stove, her face covered in small smears of pancake batter. "And you've made a mess! Cynthia's going to die when she sees this!" Jillian halted and stared intensely at the pan of burning bacon before managing a half-hearted chuckle.

"I'll clean it up and she will be none the wiser." The thought of Cynthia's death was looming in the back of her mind but she didn't want to dwell on it now.

"What spurred your culinary side so early in the morning?" Mag asked, seating herself at the table. It was rare to see Jillian occupy herself with something so thoroughly. Usually she just locked herself in a spare room and pushed the furniture out of the way, making space to dance to whatever music was in the house and sweat her stress out alone. Today she must have been too tired for even that. Mag remembered the quiet warning Cynthia had given her and knew there must be something behind this. "You didn't sleep much did you?" Jillian grunted. "Why not, I thought you were doing better now?"

"I had a nightmare." When she didn't offer any more information, Mag pushed again.

"What about?"

"I can't remember. It was just…" She trailed off and shook her head. She didn't feel like coming up with a lie to ease her mother's curiosity so she chose silence. It's not as if Mag could argue about her forgetting her dreams.

"Oh." She could sense that something more was wrong, but she chose not to pry any more than she already had. "This breakfast looks excellent, really."

"Thanks. I've been cooking a lot while you're at work. It's entertaining and useful all at the same time." She tried to smile and set a plate in front of her mother. Eggs, bacon, sausage, and pancakes were all there, perfectly cooked and looking delicious. They both ate in relative silence, occasionally breaking to ask for syrup or butter, it was nice. Mag knew Rotti would be horrified at the amount of food she had just eaten so she shook her head when Jillian offered her seconds.

"I'll already have to suffer through at least two hours with a personal trainer if they find out what I've been eating. It was delicious though, thank you." Jillian cleared the plates and started picking up the mess in the kitchen. Mag watched her closely, she noticed how shaky her hands were. "Jillian?" She ventured cautiously.

"Hm?" She didn't look up from the dishes.

"Is something wrong?" She shook her head quickly.

"Why would there be? I just don't want Cynthia to have to clean this up. Is that a crime or something?" Mag didn't believe her. Her voice had a hint of a vicious edge to it and the muscles in her back had visibly tensed. Mag looked up at the clock. There wasn't time to question her behavior any further. She stood and crossed the kitchen to set a hand on Jillian's shoulder. She tried hard to ignore the way her daughter had flinched.

"We'll talk about this later," she pulled Jillian into a tight hug and took a long time to let go.

"Alright." The edge was replaced with defeat and if Mag wasn't mistaken, relief.

Jillian sighed quietly after her mother left the room. She couldn't have told her mother about Cynthia's repossession without being asked how she knew about it. Later she could say that Cynthia had told her. Even if she didn't know about her fate, she wouldn't be around to deny it later.

The sound of the front door opening spared her from continuing her dark thoughts, but the voice that followed it filled her with dread.

"Good morning! Smells like breakfast in here, where's the mess?" Cynthia chuckled.

_It's funny that she's so upbeat isn't it?_ Jillian groaned as the nagging voice filled her thoughts again. It came back a few times a day and whispered awful things in her head. She was beginning to think she could be going insane. _Oh don't act like you wouldn't think it anyway. She's making jokes while the Repo man sharpens his blades for her. Don't you recognize the beauty of that? _

"_Stop it!" She hissed. This was getting frustrating already. She heard Cynthia mutter a greeting to her mother as she left and shut the door behind her. She shook herself and tried to sound as normal as she could manage._

"_No messes today, you're getting a day off." She turned to see a serious expression on Cynthia's face._

"_I told you, I'm not leaving you here alone."_

"_I don't mean it like that. I know you won't leave, but you're here working every day. That's an even better reason for you to have a day without cleaning. When is the last time you just sat and had a free moment?" She rolled her eyes and set down her keys._

"_Probably over a week ago before I had to put you under constant surveillance." Jillian cursed herself silently for making Cynthia's life more difficult than it already was. She looked exhausted, but she would have refused any offer to go home and rest._

"_Sorry about that. You shouldn't have to."_

"_Jill, it isn't your fault. If you weren't in danger then things would be easier… You didn't have a choice in the matter either." Though this was true, Jillian couldn't help but feel that none of this would have happened without her. Her oldest and her only friend was to be killed because of her stupid stunt. If she'd kept her mouth shut and dealt with it, or even better if she'd never gone to that party on her birthday, Cynthia would have been safe. In a better world than this, it wouldn't have mattered. The child of a celebrity would at least be free to exist. This corrupt system was starting to choke the life out of them all and they were powerless to resist. Nothing could ever be fair. _

_She must have been staring into space for a while because when she looked up again, Cynthia was right next to her, shaking her shoulders and calling her name. "Are you feeling okay?" _

"_Yeah. Yeah my thoughts just got away from me there." She forced a small smile and was met with a skeptical look._

"_I know too much to believe that. What's wrong?" There was so much concern in her eyes that Jillian couldn't bear to look at her. There was no way she could lie so instead she fled the kitchen and closed herself in her bedroom, sitting against the door. She heard footsteps in the hall a few moments later and the sound of Cynthia sliding down against the other side of the thin door. "Please, Jillian. Why won't you tell me? I know what you've been going through and I've told you I'll do anything to help you."_

"_You shouldn't. You could have just left after you saved me and it would have been better than this." Jillian's voice shook, she was on the verge of tears, probably within range of a full meltdown._

"_Jill, I could never leave you like that. Why would I?"_

"_I brought this all on you! I've ruined every chance you had!" She sobbed, knees pressed to her chest and tears streaming down her face. "You should have stayed away when you had the chance. You couldn't protect me and now I can't help you." Cynthia sighed on the other side of the door._

"_Can I come in?" She only sniffed in reply, but moved away from the door. Cynthia came in and sat on the bed, looking at Jillian sadly. "You know, don't you? About the repossession?" She nodded._

"_It's my fault. It's because I told you."_

"_You didn't tell me anything. Even if you had, I know you couldn't have seen this coming."_

"_No, it was my fault. I had to try the easy way out and drag you into all this. I'm sorry." She wiped her face on her sleeve._

"_I would have helped whether you'd done it or not. I could tell that something wasn't right. I just wish I'd seen it sooner." They looked at each other a long time._

"_You won't be back again after today, will you?" Jillian asked._

"_No. He'll find me after I leave here." She spoke calmly for someone who was talking about their own murder. "Today is all I've got." _

"_I'm sorry. I told myself I wouldn't let you worry today. I didn't even know if you knew yet and I wasn't going to tell you."_

"_I know. I wasn't going to tell you either. It's better that we both know at least." Jillian had to agree. They fell into a silence that was broken by another question from Jillian._

"_What do we do now?" Cynthia shrugged._

"_We wait." She got up and helped Jillian off the floor. They sat on the living room sofa and watched TV, neither one of them wanting to speak. As the day wore on, the air filled with dread and they both became increasingly aware of how little time was left. _

_Through some unspoken agreement, neither of them dared to move out of the room. Lunch and dinner both passed without being acknowledged and Jillian found that she was numb to the gnawing ache of hunger. If she moved to eat, she was afraid she might come back to find Cynthia gone. However paranoid the thought was, she didn't want to take that risk._

_The clock moved closer and closer to the time when Cynthia would have to leave and as it did, she got more distressed. Whenever Jillian would look over at her, she would be staring back with a troubled expression. Jillian couldn't place it and it was beginning to make her even more anxious._

_The sound of a car outside drew their attention and it took a long moment for Jillian to realize that her mother was home already. Neither of them had noticed the sky grow dark hours ago, but now their time was up. Jillian looked over at Cynthia and was startled to see that she was crying silently. _

"_Cynthia?" She looked up and shook her head._

"_I'm sorry, Jill. I'm so sorry."_

"_What do you mean? This isn't your fault at all." She was pulled into a tight hug._

"_Someday it will make sense, but I am sorry. For what it's worth, I love you. You're the only child I've ever had. I just wish it didn't have to be this way." She pulled away as the door opened and Mag stepped into the house. She looked at them with confusion._

"_What's going on?" _

"_Nothing." Cynthia answered quietly. "I… I have to leave and I won't be back."_

"_Why won't you be back?"_

"_They've put me on the list. GeneCo wants my heart back."_

"_Oh. I'm so sorry." No matter how much they had avoided each other before, Mag would never have wished this upon her._

"_It's fine." They all knew it was a lie, but they didn't say otherwise. Jillian had grabbed Cynthia's hand and was holding it tightly between both of her own. She wouldn't look up, she just stared at the floor as tears started to make their way slowly down her cheeks. The realization that she would never see Cynthia again had hit her at last. Cynthia looked up at Mag desperately._

"_Jillian," Mag said softly. "You have to let her leave." She shook her head and held on even tighter._

"_I'm sorry." Cynthia muttered. She pulled hard until her hand was finally wrenched from between Jillian's. and stood quickly from the couch. She wiped her eyes and turned to Mag. "It has been an honor working for you and I'm sorry that things between us have never been as pleasant as I would've liked." She held out her hand and Mag shook it._

"_Me too." There was nothing more to say so she stood silently as Cynthia gathered her coat and keys from the kitchen and made her way to the door. She looked back at Jillian, seeming to drink in her appearance one last time before opening the door and leaving for the last time._

_Mag put a hand on Jillian's shoulder and kissed her forehead. Then she left her alone in the living room and continued her night as planned._

_Jillian stayed staring at the door for hours, fighting the rising emotion within her long after Mag had gone to bed. She guessed that Cynthia must have been dead by now. Around midnight, her tears stopped suddenly and every feeling she had was drained away. The voice in her head that had been fighting since this morning became the only thing she could hear._

_And Jillian listened._


	21. Chapter 21

After the last chapter, I realized that I have a rough idea of what's going to happen for the rest of the story and it is a relief. Read, enjoy, review please.

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Morning light blazed through the living room window. Jillian woke up late and saw that her mother was already gone. There was a warm blanket around her and she burrowed deeper into it. She knew her mother must have put it on her this morning and she felt a surge of love before she remembered yesterday's events and the empty feeling returned to her chest. She stopped herself from thinking about any of it and pulled the blanket up over her face to compose herself. Another nasty feeling told her that Pavi would show up today, probably to rub her face in the fact that he could now come and go as he pleased.

A hollow laugh bubbled up from her throat. She was beyond being afraid of his impending arrival. Instead, she was filled with hatred and fury at the thought of his hands on her and the way he talked with his stupid accent and in another language like he expected her to understand. There was no way she would let him have her so easily today.

Jillian decided that she could begin her day with an act of rebellion all its own. She got up from the sofa and made herself a bowl of cereal like she would any other normal day. While her world slowly crumbled away, she would spite everything by carrying on as usual. She sat back in the living room and turned on children's shows to numb her mind completely. Every time she laughed, she felt more invincible. It was dangerous and intoxicating and she couldn't stop herself.

After breakfast, she sat and stared absently at the television. She was waiting to get over the most tedious part of the day and by noon she was nearly begging for Pavi to show up. At one, she shut off the TV and sat silently on the sofa. She was falling asleep by the time the front door swung open to reveal her least favorite person carrying a wreath of blood red funeral roses.

"I thought this might suit the occasion." He smirked and tossed it at her. With one swing, she sent it crashing to the floor and she looked up at him with a humorless smile of her own.

"Thanks. Good to know you have some sense of what's appropriate." His smirk faltered. He shut the door and stepped farther into the room.

"So it's fighting today? As much as I enjoy watching you struggle, mia cara, I was hoping you would be more inviting after everything that's happened." She tilted her head to the side and frowned.

"And I was hoping that your car would crash and erupt into flames on the way here. I guess we can't always get what we want."

"Maybe you can't," He began. "But I always get what I want." She rolled her eyes and leaned back into the sofa.

"This bullshit again? Find some new way to inflate your ego. Honestly it's just a bit redundant at this point, don't you think?"

"I don't like this new attitude of yours. Who do you think you are?" There was anger evident in his eyes and it was egging Jillian on.

"Well I'm not one of your little whores, but you seem to be under the delusion that I am."

"Whores? They're just smart enough to jump at a good opportunity." She laughed.

"If they're happy fucking you then they can't be too bright. You're a sick creep and they're just after your father's money and some free publicity." She stood and poked his chin, chuckling darkly. "Most of them do get their face in the papers eventually, don't they?" He grabbed her wrist.

"You're just lucky that my father needs your mother or I would cut you just as quickly.""So you've said." She muttered bitterly. He was starting to grate on her nerves and she wasn't in the mood for his games. If she could shut him up quick, she would.

She looked in the pocket of his jacket and saw the shape of the zydrate gun he still carried every time he came over. If she could somehow get it from him, she might be able to take him down with a high enough dose. She couldn't go straight for it, but a plan formed in her head almost immediately. She narrowed her eyes and glared at him.

"You want me to act like one of your whores? Fine!" She hissed. Her arm twisted out of his grip easily and she pushed him hard onto the sofa behind them. There was hesitation before she finally gritted her teeth and climbed onto his lap straddling him. He looked like Christmas had come early.

"Well, fina-"

"Shut up." To keep him quiet, she grabbed the front of his shirt and pressed her mouth to his. It was hard not to gag when his tongue found its way into her mouth, but she was determined to distract him however she could. Her hands moved slowly down from him shirt toward his jacket as she tried to ignore the bulge in his pants that was now digging into her painfully. She wanted nothing more than to pull away and run as fast as she could away from him, but she could feel the Zydrate gun in his pocket and knew he wouldn't let her go after the stunt she was pulling.

Pavi broke away for only a second to catch his breath, then he grabbed her ass and pulled her even closer, locking his mouth to hers. Trying to think straight against the sick feeling taking over her being, Jillian carefully slipped her hand into his pocket and grabbed the gun. She stuck it quickly through layers of fabric and skin and pulled the trigger before he could notice. The loud click of the gun finally made him stop and he stared at her in awe and confusion. She looked down at the gun in her hand. She had injected the Zydrate into her own leg.

Feeling began to ebb away and a sense of calm and emptiness flooded her mind. Without understanding why, she laughed as her muscles gave way and she fell backwards to the floor. Her vision was blurry, but she didn't pass out this time. She vaguely registered someone cursing from far away, but there was no reason it should bother her now.

The scene before her eyes blurred even worse as she floated up onto the sofa. She must have been lighter than air to float like that. The cursing voice from before was talking again, but she could hear it a bit clearer now.

"Useless tease," it muttered. "I'll be back tomorrow then with more. Quite the hole you've dug yourself into, bella. You're stuck now."

She tried to shake her head at the voice and tell it she couldn't be stuck because she could float, but she felt like her body had been packed with cotton and it wouldn't move.

"You should feel normal in a few hours. Next time look where you're trying to inject." The voice was getting quieter and a large shadow moved away from her and towards the door. When it was gone, she stayed, numb, staring at the blurry room. The only thing on her mind was that she had forgotten something important and she knew she would be in trouble.

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I'm not sure how long this has taken, but I'm sure it's been too long, sorry! I know what will happen now and I am glad. If I ever take WAY too long, just PM me to remind me that I have to update. Reviews are another great way to remind me to update, so leave one and ensure that I don't forget!


	22. Chapter 22

OH MY GOD. I AM SO SORRY. I know, nobody could possibly suck as much as I do, but I have been super busy with EVERYTHING. I'm so so so sorry!

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Since the first day after Cynthia had left, Jillian's behavior had gone from depressed to almost obsessive. That night after Mag had got back late, she found Jillian sitting in the moonlit backyard tearing apart a wreath of red roses that she refused to say anything about. She was sobbing and talking to herself furiously as she ripped each petal off and shredded them all, scolding herself for some imaginary wrong that she had done. She had muttered things like 'terrible aim,' and 'stupid girl,' oblivious to the fact that she was being watched. Mag sat with her for nearly an hour, terrified and pleading for her to calm down, before she finally stopped abruptly and went into the house and to bed without even acknowledging her mother.

Now Mag woke up and extra hour early each day just to head Jillian off for the newspaper. She didn't want any obituary to make its way to Jillian in case she had another fit or tried to sneak off to Cynthia's funeral while Mag was at work. She didn't like the idea of her young daughter wandering the streets alone with the sort of people who lived in the city and Jillian had been keeping a close eye out for any word of a funeral. She always scanned the paper thoroughly to make sure it was clear and then put it back to throw off suspicion.

It didn't really seem like she even needed to get up early with the way Jillian had been sleeping. When Mag came home, she would already be fast asleep and she stayed that way until Mag was already dressed and ready for her day. It was unhealthy and it worried Mag constantly, but there wasn't much she could do other than wake her up, which would feel cruel in itself. There was also the problem that whenever she was awake, Jillian was upset or angry about everything. It was the same rut of depression that Mag herself had fallen into after he deaths of Marni and Shilo and she knew it had to stop before it consumed her.

This morning was especially bright and Mag detangled herself from the sheets with a sense of certainty that today would be the day that the newspapers mentioned Cynthia. She made her way down the hall towards the living room quickly and quietly only to find, to her horror, that Jillian was already standing next to the door, tearing her way through the paper. Yesterday had been a rare day off and she regretted getting Jillian up early. She stopped suddenly at one page and Mag held her breath, waiting for any sign that her fears may be confirmed.

She watched Jillian's face as she read through the page, scanning every name. Then she dropped all the other pages of the paper and half sprinted to shut herself up in her room. Mag sighed and rubbed her face.

"Jillian?" She made her way back down the hall to the only door that was closed. "We have to talk."

"You have to go to work," she called back. Anyone who could hear her could've heard that she was crying. Mag grabbed the door knob only to find that it had been locked.

"Not for another two hours. This is more important anyway." She didn't respond and Mag sighed. "You can't just lock yourself up in your room every time you're upset. Talk to me, Jillian." The sound of quiet crying stopped and the door opened slowly. They stared at each other for a second before Jillian stepped past her mother and down the hall.

"I need something to eat," she muttered. Mag followed her to the kitchen. She watched as Jillian opened cupboards and tore through them.

"Jillian," Mag said softly. She knew that Jillian was only trying to fill time and occupy her reeling mind, but it wasn't working. She was in the fridge, shifting around the food and picking up different jars. The frantic shuffling was driving Mag insane. "Just stop!" She snapped. The jam jar in Jillian's hand was thrown without warning against the wall across the room and it shattered with a deafening crash.

Jillian stared at the mess of red as it slid down the wall, reminding her so much of blood. It was blood. Cynthia's blood on the wall. She looked to where it was pooling on the floor and saw something else; A hand was reaching out from under the table, moving ever so slightly, clinging to life. She walked slowly towards it, deaf to the sound of her mother's voice as it called out to her. The hand was connected to an arm, and that, to the bloodied and mangled torso of her closest friend. Horror rooted her to the spot as she took in the sight of Cynthia, lying almost dead on her kitchen floor. Her face was so much paler under the blood that was smeared across it. Her gray eyes caught Jillian's and widened. And she went still.

Mag jumped up as soon as Jillian began to scream. She caught her around the middle as she lunged to the floor, and she held her tightly.

"No! Please!" She was sobbing into Mag's hair, trying to push her away to get under the table. Mag turned to see what had upset her, but there was nothing.

"Jillian. Jill, listen to me, it wasn't real. Whatever you saw, however awful it was, there's nothing there now. There never was!"

"She is! She's real!" But even coming out of her mouth, it was obvious that she was unsure of herself.

"Shh. Calm down. She isn't there. She's gone, Jillian." Jillian stopped screaming. She cried freely while Mag hugged her tighter and rocked her back and forth.

"It's two days from now." She whispered once she had finished crying.

"What is?"

"The funeral." Mag did her best to suppress a sigh. After seeing this breakdown, Jillian definitely had to have some closure.

"Okay. I'll have to work and I wouldn't be able to go with you anyway. I'm sure there's someone else-"

"No." She pulled back and shook her head, determined fire blazing in her eyes. "I won't go with anyone else. I can handle myself and I'd rather be alone than let you replace her."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way. I can't ever replace her but you still shouldn't go out alone." Jillian shrugged and switched her focus to logic.

"If you can find someone who won't be killed the second you mention me then I'll go with them." She was right, so Mag said nothing. "At some point I'll have to be able to leave here. It's early in the day so there shouldn't be any of the real psychos out. And eventually somebody will need to get groceries so it's better that I start finding my way around now." She hadn't thought about it before, but grocery shopping had always been something Cynthia did. She sighed.

"I know. Just let me think about this, okay?" She pulled Jillian close and held on. She didn't let go until she knew she absolutely had to get ready to leave. Jillian got up and followed her around the house silently, like she used to when she was little. She sat and watched Mag put on her makeup and helped her pick out what to wear.

Mag looked back at her in the mirror and wondered when Jillian had gotten so fragile. She was thin and pale and her wide, observant eyes made her look like even more like a child.

"Are you sure you'll be okay today?" Jillian just nodded from where she was perched on the edge of the bed. "I can ask to stay. I don't see why I have to rehearse so much anyway, what could one day really do?" She opened her mouth and closed it again, thinking. She smiled but Mag thought she looked more sad than anything.

"You don't have to do that. I wouldn't want to get you in any trouble. Plus I doubt Rotti would be too keen to let you off because of your off day yesterday." It hurt to be turned down, but Mag nodded her agreement and finished getting ready. Before she went out the door, she hugged Jillian tightly and kissed her on the cheek.

"Be good and try not to break anything else from the fridge." Jillian chuckled. "And don't forget to eat for real. You didn't actually eat earlier."

"I'll be fine. It's the same as it's been for the past few days. I just got a little carried away this morning."

"I know. Just making sure. I love you."

"I love you too. Try not to strangle your boss." She smiled and stepped outside.

On the other side of the door, Jillian's smile faltered and she went to lay on the couch. She would normally never turn down a day with her mother, but she knew that there was a possibility she would go into withdrawal if Pavi didn't come today and she didn't want her mother to go through that again. With her face buried into the cushions, she cried until she drifted off into blissful unconsciousness.

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So sorry again for the wait. And the bland chapter. I will get this up and running again, I promise! Feel free to tell me how much I suck, bah D:

-XTAPX


	23. Chapter 23

I AM UPDATING, AUGHHHHHHHHH. And (obviously) I'm highly caffeinated.

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Mag was staring at Jillian as they ate breakfast. She had agreed to let her go to the funeral by herself, but she'd still requested the day off so she would be home when Jillian got back.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" She asked for about the hundredth time.

"Yes."

"Did you find out exactly where you're going?"

"Yes."

"You'll have your communicator in case you need me?"

"Yes. Mom, I've got everything I could possibly need." She looked up from her barely eaten toast and looked into her mother's mechanical eyes. Even without any emotion, Jillian imagined she could see worry in them. Her mother sighed.

"It looks like it might rain. You'll need an umbrella." Jillian shrugged.

"I don't mind rain." Mag was nervous. So much might go wrong and she was terrified of the possibilities.

"I know. Sorry it's just that you've never gone out alone." Jillian nodded, then looked over at the clock and stood up. Mag followed her to the door and looked her up and down. She was wearing her favorite black sweater, one of Mag's that was soft and warm. She kept pulling nervously at the sleeves and trying to tug it longer over her black jeans. Her hair was pulled back in a black ribbon. Mag thought it seemed like overkill, or too cliché, but she didn't say anything. "Promise me you'll look out for yourself."

"I promise." She said it confidently, but there was fear and anxiety in her eyes. Mag wanted to hug her tightly and beg her to stay, or go with her, or anything. She didn't want her little girl to step out there where she wasn't safe. It took all her will power to say goodbye and watch Jillian walk down the driveway and out of sight.

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Her mother was right of course, halfway to the graveyard it began to pour. She couldn't help but chuckle slightly. Cynthia would have hated it. She always joked that if her family had dared to bury her on any day but the best she'd haunt them straight to their own graves.

The rain was falling faster and faster and it was only by some miracle that Jillian managed to look through it all and find her way to the right street.

As she got closer to the cemetery, she saw the small group that was already gathered under their umbrellas and knew she must have been late. She walked up to them and stood in the very back. There was a priest in the middle of them all speaking loudly to be heard over the downpour and Jillian tried to remember if Cynthia had even been religious. The people there must have been her family, but she hadn't mentioned any of them. One caught her eye.

There was a woman a few feet away who looked like she could have been Cynthia five or six years in the future. Even through the rain it was obvious that she was crying, that she was in pain. A man who must have been her husband was standing silently and obediently beside her while one hand clasped his painfully tightly. Her other hand was on the shoulder of a tall boy who couldn't have been much older than Jillian was. He wasn't crying or even looking at what was going on. She couldn't make out much of him from around the woman she decided must have been Cynthia's older sister, but he looked uninterested and Jillian instantly disliked him.

The priest said something about bowing their heads in silent prayer. Jillian bowed her head with everyone else, but she didn't know what to say.

_Well, God… I guess you must have your reasons. Or maybe you were just bored when you decided to morph us into this sick imitation of a real world, but hey I guess it's your call. I just wish you didn't have to take her. I could've dealt with everything. _She could feel tears welling up in her eyes. _All of it. What do you want me to do now, tell my mother? She'd hate me or be disappointed. She'd never look at me the same way again. I wouldn't be able to stand it. This isn't a prayer, sorry. I guess just tell her I said hi. And she should have told me more about her life. Tell her I'm sorry I never asked more about it._

When she raised her head, she looked back at Cynthia's sister and saw that she had been pulled into her husband's arms and was sobbing into his shoulder. Looking at this, Jillian was suddenly sure that Cynthia had mentioned an older sister named Maria at least once. Something about her own mother's funeral. Maria had been the strong one then, comforting Cynthia and taking over as her protector. This must have been killing her. The memory must have been an answer to her almost prayer. The boy behind her was looking at Jillian suspiciously as if he was trying to figure out when he'd seen her at a family reunion.

She turned back just as the priest said his final words and closed his bible. Slowly, members of the family walked forward and placed flowers on the dark coffin. It was too gleaming and perfect. Something about it seemed wrong and while it was probably the idea that it contained what was left of Cynthia, she shuddered just looking at it for too long.

She waited until the rest of the small family had left before walking cautiously forward and placing a hand on the shining, smooth surface of the wood.

"I'm sorry." She muttered, then felt stupid. More tears pooled up and spilled, unnoticed in the lonely rain. "…I miss you. If I could have stopped him I would have." There was a huge arrangement of red and white roses in a basket next to the coffin so Jillian picked out a few of each and made them into a chain. Cynthia had taught her how to make chains out of small daisies when she'd first started gardening. "And I'm sorry I never told you how much you meant to me. And I know this still isn't enough." The roses looked mostly eerie as she set them on the coffin, but she decided it was the thought that counted. "I loved you more than you ever knew." She reluctantly pulled her hand away from the coffin and turned away. As she walked towards the street, she heard the squelch of footsteps behind her.

"Hey!" She turned to find that the boy had followed her to the edge of the cemetery. He caught up with her. "Who are you? I've never seen you anywhere before."

"It's not important." She wasn't in the mood to talk and she tried avoiding him, but he stepped in front of her.

"I'd agree except that strangers don't usually show up at funerals and cry for people." His ?LJd eyes were full of curiosity. She examined his face and his dark hair and decided that if the circumstances were different and she hadn't just caught him looking bored at a funeral he would have been quite attractive. She opened her mouth to say something else to get him away. A voice from the street called to him instead.

"David! Come on it's pouring out!" His father was leaning out of the diver's window of a small black sedan. He looked back at her and did something she hadn't expected. His face softened as she set a hand on his shoulder.

"She's safe from them now." And then he got jogged to the car. She watched as it disappeared.

Jillian walked back home in silence, caught up in thoughts about the parts of Cynthia's life that she would never know and had never thought to ask about. She wanted to know everything now. The boy from the funeral was right about her being safe. She wondered if maybe his calm façade masked how much he must have cared for her too. There was so much that was a mystery. She guessed that this must be how most people felt once they realized how much they cared about someone. But now it was too late.

Her mother greeted her with a crushing embrace when she walked through the door. She told Jillian to go take a hot shower while she found dry clothes and that they needed to talk. She couldn't help but think of how Cynthia would have known the right thing to say. It wasn't fair to her mother, but she wished Cynthia was still there for her. She walked down the hall to the bathroom trying not to think about anything at all.

Now that she was home, a place that should have been comforting and safe, she felt how empty it was. It would be this way from now on except that she had a new routine. Rather than having Cynthia come to check on her, now she had Pavi coming every other day to make sure she didn't lose her mind from Zydrate withdrawal.

After her accidental self-injection, she knew she was hooked again. There was little chance of Pavi letting her come off it now. It was a power he had over her and he used it to his advantage. He had learned quickly that the more he gave her the less she fought.

Her soaked clothing fell to the floor of the bathroom. The warmth of the shower was a relief and it eased some of the tension in her muscles. It wasn't just the long walk, but everything in her life recently. She washed her hair and her body, enjoying the feeling of being clean and warm under the water. It gave her a lot of hope to know that she could still feel almost peaceful like this.

Getting out of the gloriously comfortable shower, she fell immediately back into her state of despair. There was something everything she had to do that made her upset. Getting dressed was constricting, eating made her nauseous and distressed, and sleep brought awful nightmares. There was no escape from it.

"Jillian?" Her mother said softly as she sat down on the sofa. "I have to tell you something." She looked up, aware of the nervousness in her mother's voice.

"What?"

"Rotti called while you were gone." Not a good sign. "He told me that he'd been… arranging things…" She began to panic.

"What? What's he planning? He's getting rid of me isn't he? There's no one else he can get to take care of me so he'll send me off where nobody knows who I am so you won't have distractions. That's it isn't it?" Her breathing was shaky and she knew she was being drastic, but she couldn't help herself.

"No. No you're fine, you're staying right here." She took deep breaths and tried to calm down. She couldn't keep freaking out like this. Mag grabbed her hand. "Jillian… They're sending me out on tour… For three months."


	24. Chapter 24

I've been so obscenely busy and behind in school that this is the only REAL free time I've had in weeks! Sorry for the delay! Also while rereading the last chapter I realized that I put a lot of random letters in place of David's eye color because I meant to look it up and fill it in. Sometimes I just have to laugh at my own methods.

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"Pavi, go home." Jillian sighed. She could feel his presence in the room without seeing him and for the past month and a half he had almost never left. After Mag left for her tour, he'd seen it as a chance to be in the house every day and torment her. He would harass her while she read and cleaned and she had only narrowly avoided stabbing him whenever he hovered over her cooking. He was driving her completely insane.

"But then who would look after you? It's not like you have anyone else." She caught the cruel jab behind his words.

"Haven't you ever heard that absence makes the heart grow fonder?"

"The only thing you'd be fonder of is having me gone and I would hate to disappoint you later. Besides, I'm enjoying having you completely to myself." She folded her clothes aggressively and stuffed them into her drawers.

"Does your father know you're here? I thought he wanted you to leave me alone." Pavi walked up behind her and set his hands on her shoulders. He always spoke to her like a stubborn child, which was probably more true than he cared to acknowledge.

"Bella, he doesn't care what I do. He's just trying to keep things from getting to la tua cara madre_. If I could lock you up in my apartment without her noticing you were gone, he would let me."_

"_Your family is just screwed up." His fingers tightened on her shoulders._

"_Be careful. That sharp wit of yours is best kept where I can't hear it. You are at the disadvantage here." She groaned and twisted out of his grip._

"_I've got all the leverage. I could tell my mother everything, she freaks out and you'll be in deep shit with Rotti. You can deny me Zydrate and what happens? I go into withdrawal and my mother will eventually figure out something about what's been going on and you're still in deep shit with Rotti. Really you can't win." He looked at her with annoyance._

"_But you'd never tell. If you were planning on it, she would already know. You're too afraid. Face it, you've got nothing." She pulled a sweater from the basket of clothes and put it on._

"_Well I've got better things to do than sit here and argue with you. Leave, don't leave, just don't make a mess while I'm gone." He gave her a suspicious glare and she snatched a black backpack off of her bed._

"_Where are you going?"_

"_Out." She sat and tied her sneakers quickly. _

"_Where? You're just going to leave without telling me?" _

"_That's sort of the point." He tried to grab her, but she brushed past him and by the time he made it to the living room she was outside and halfway down the driveway. He watched her disappear slowly before calling a car home and wondered where she could have gone._

_Jillian always went to the same places every time she left the house. She knew Pavi couldn't care very much or he would have been able to find her easily. First she made her way through the winding streets to the cemetery. She found Cynthia's headstone and sat next to it. It was hard to function without her, but talking helped. Jillian would tell the granite all of her insecurities and problems and she could almost hear Cynthia's voice responding and telling her what to do. It always pleaded for her to tell her mother and she ignored the advice._

"_I'm so tired. He's been at the house almost every day and I can't have any time to myself. Mom isn't even home so he just takes it as an invitation to come and bother me." She sighed deeply. "What if it never ends? What happens in I can't ever get out and he just keeps coming after me forever? He told me I was too scared to stop him and he's right. I wish I wasn't so stupid and terrified." She put her fingers against the stone and traced the letters of Cynthia's name slowly. The letters were carved in a swirling sort of cursive and it had become a comforting habit to follow their path once through before she left._

_There wasn't much time she could stand to spend there without breaking down, so she left quickly and made her way to her favorite spot on the island. She passed through downtown, right next to the many GeneCo office buildings surrounding the main tower, and then through suburban streets until she reached the rundown boardwalk. Living on an island her entire life had given Jillian a reasonable love of the beach. She'd visited this beach on the East coast of Sanatorium Island almost constantly since she was young, mostly with Cynthia. Unlike the cemetery, she had no bad memories here. The wind off the ocean was calming and she liked to sit in the sand and listen to the waves._

_She pulled a world atlas out of her backpack and sat in the damp sand. Each page had cities circled in different continents and she'd taped a list of dates and tour locations into the front cover. Mag was in London today. She looked at the island on the map and where she was on her own island. Jillian stared up to figure out which way the sun was going. She wanted to know exactly which direction her mother was in and she performed this ritual once or twice a week. It gave her a sense of accomplishment every time she sat and did this task. A simple sense of control and awareness._

_There were little time conversions scribbled in the book too and according to one labeled London, her mother would be finished with her performance soon. She turned and sat facing the direction of London and waited. A few people passed her as she sat, but they took no notice of the strange girl staring into the distance._

_After half an hour, her wrist communicator beeped. "Incoming message fro-" She hit the button quickly._

"_Mom?" She knew who it was already, nobody else bothered to call her. A soft laugh crackled through the strained connection._

"_Yes, of course. How are things at home?"_

"_Quiet. Boring. I've tried to pick up the piano again," Which wasn't a lie. She had sat by the piano for a few minutes every day in the hopes that maybe it would pass the time and start to make sense._

"_That's good. Are you getting very far?"_

"_Not really."_

"_Well at least you're trying."_

"_Yeah… When are you coming home?" A question she knew the answer to._

"_The date is written on the calendar, and the fridge, and wherever else you've copied it." Jillian sighed and nodded even though she knew she couldn't be seen. "Are you doing okay on your own?" She wasn't really. The loneliness was painful and Pavi was the only company she had except for the people who occasionally came by on Mr. Largo's command to ensure her safety._

"_As okay as I can I guess."_

"_Good. I've got to go now. There's a strict schedule to make sure I get enough sleep. And I hope you're sleeping too. I love you sweetheart, goodnight."_

"_Goodnight." She pushed another button and stared off at the horizon. She imagined her mother being pushed out of a car and into the back door of a high-class hotel somewhere in the country where she was born. Jillian had often wondered why she'd ever ended up on this island in the first place. It was ugly and corrupt. But she had been blind back then. Maybe she couldn't tell how horrible things were until it was too late. And by the time that happened, her fate was sealed with GeneCo and there was no other choice._

_When she thought of it like that, it was easier to understand and forgive her. It was easier to walk home through the litter-lined streets where there was always a chance that you might find a mutilated body at any turn. It was almost even easier to walk back to her big empty housee and lie alone in the numbing silence knowing it was all a sad accident._

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_Again, SO SORRY. This has been in the back of my mind but I'm so behind in school that it's ridiculous and I never get a chance to really sleep so I take whatever chances I get._


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